Teh Movie Quiz

Here's a quiz in movies for a change! See if you can spot the 50 hidden movie titles in this picture.

The person who guesses the most movie titles correctly wins a small boost in self-esteem and one week's worth of diarrhea related suffering brought to you by the new Prosperity Burger from Mc Donalds.

Surely, we'll miss him!

Yes, we will, but don’t call him Shirley!

Remember the long, sad list of awfully talented people who passed away in 2010? No, not Bieber. I said ‘talented’. What’s wrong with you!? And she’s still alive... I think. Bummer... Anyway, the mourning continues and this time, adding to the list of pure talents who have left us to the big stage above is funnyman, Leslie Nielsen who passed away on 28th November 2010, at the age of 84 due to pneumonia. Teh Moose flips the finger to pneumonia! And Jersey Shore and raisins too, while I'm at it.

A tragic loss indeed especially since movies like Airplane, Naked Gun, Repossessed, Dracula: Dead and Loving It and the short-lived series Police Squad holds a special place in the hearts and funny bones of many. To pay tribute to this much-loved king of deadpan one-liners, Teh Moose presents to you some of his most memorable movie quotes.

Rest in Peace, you awesome man

NOTE: You’ll need to memorise at least one of these and share it with your spouse, parents, cousins, grandma, pets (unless you have a pet duck, they don’t really get his jokes) or Herald, the guitar-wielding Hobo who lives down your street. Do it!


NIELSENISMS


Quotes from Airplane!

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. 

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?


Quotes from Police Squad!

Dutch Gunderson: Who are you and how did you get in here?
Frank: I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. 

Frank: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then

Frank: Is there a ransom note?
Ed: Yes, the butler found it; it was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lab; they're demanding one million dollars.
Frank: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?


Quotes from the Naked Gun movies:

Frank: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane: He's Caucasian.
Ed: Caucasian?
Jane: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Frank: Awfully big moustache.

Frank: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!

Frank: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Frank: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.

Frank: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Frank: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.


Oh, and not everyone is aware that prior to his ruling of the comedy kingdom, Leslie Nielsen was a pretty big dramatic actor back in the 60’s, with leading roles in TV shows like The Virginian, Bonanza and he also starred in movies like Forbidden Planet and The Poseidon Adventure. Talk about talent!

I Still Hate Ronald

Are you seeing this? What kind of McFuckery is this?! One does not, ever, everrrr associate the Pedo King Ronald McDuhhnald with a Moose

My hatred for Ronald will never subside

Centipedes vs Millipedes

By now, I was hoping everyone would already have their Crush-Teh-Centipede Kit at hand, constantly on the lookout for slithering, million-legged terrorpedes crawling out of drains, sinks and on certain instances, out of Queen Latifah's fat ass. But noo... Some people may have the kit, they may have the hatred... and don't get me wrong - that brings me insanely great joy. Almost like the day when either my step-father or Justin Bieber dies. So, anyway. After smacking the "centipedes" to glory, or simply taking pictures of centipedes to torment me with captions like "Look Moosey! It's your friend XD" or "Want these in your pants? No? Then gimme all your bacon!" (which is a real cruel threat by the way), they show me... millipedes.

Look, millipedes are MILESSSS apart from centipedes. No where near. It's like the North Pole and South Pole. Like Samuel L Jackson and Prince. Like Susan Boyle and Kim Kardashian... They don't even deserve to be compared! I'm not saying this in a sense, that I'm insulted or... actually, for some strange reason, supporting those creatures from Hell. God, no. That would be insane. I just want people to know the damn differences, so that more centipedes can be killed, and innocent millipede lives can be saved. With that being said, I'm gonna list down some notable similarities and differences between the two. So the next time anyone comes up to you, and says 'Meh, centipedes and millipedes. Tomatos, tomatoes. Pussy, vagina. Tis all the same dude.' You should react this way...

I'll tell you why. Let's start with the similarities...

CENTIPEDES AND MILLIPEDES - a case study

The Similarities

• They both have "pede" in their names. And just so you know, 'pede' is the French slang for 'pedo'. Don't look that up... Either way, it reflects on how much they suck.
• They're both related to Uncle George from the lobsters, crayfish and shrimp family
• They both enjoy moist areas like your ass, and/or places with high humidity... like your ass 
• They have both died in the hands of Teh Moose. What!? That damn millipede walked in my path, damn it. He was asking for it

So much for similarities... Now for what sets them apart. (And why you should hate centipedes more)

The Differences

• One is a sick, demented, twisted... Okay, this is getting too personal. Centipedes are part of a class known as Chilopoda, (which is NOT Mexican for Broccoli Fucker) while Millipedes are part of the Diplopoda class.
• Millipedes poop in fear or coil like a bunch of pansies when provoked. Centipedes leap on you and inject you with venom.

Mummy, look! Is a chocolate ball!

Ooo, look at me! I'm all coiled up. Maybe the evil humans will leave me alone now. *PROD*

• Centipedes move fast. And I mean... fast. One second you're chasing them with a hammer, you get distracted by your neighbour's hot daughter, Natalie, and POOF! They're gone. Millipedes on the other hand... You could be chasing em with a

  

  Imma take you on, Usain Bolt

  slipper, get distracted by Natalie, watch her take a shower, watch her notice you peeping, but instead of screaming, she smiles and invites you in. She goes down on you, she says she's been watching you ever since you moved into Dolphin Court in Seychelles, you guys have sex, then you get hungry, so you order some Island Fried Chicken (real famous in Seychelles), watch some Tupac video clips, kiss her goodbye, remember that slipper and that millipede you were chasing... and still find it in that same spot... Or maybe it moved to the wall. Either way... *SPLAT* Or not. They're harmless, let 'em be. 
• Centipedes have less legs as compared to millipedes. For the centipedes, they have like one pair of legs per body segment, while millipedes have two for each segment. (cept the front three segments - those have a pair each)
• Centipedes BITE! HARD! Some bites can even prove fatal. Millipedes probably let off a stench that smells like Aunt Martha's cooking, and pray you get so terrified that you flee. Hoping that they could head to the pub after and brag to their other Millipede mates on how they warded off an annoying human. Don't go rubbing your eyes after touching Millipedes though. That smelly goo they let off has toxins, and could possibly be harmful to your eyes and in severe cases, you might grow a third nipple.
• Centipedes have long ass antennae (so they can track their prey, a.k.a you and I, better). Millipedes have short ones, possibly because they're related to the Japanese.
• Female centipedes are HIGHLY defensive/protective over their eggs, and they WILL friggin' coil into an "S" shape and jump straight at you when provoked. Millipedes will say "Fuck that! Let's just make new babies" and abandon their eggs when threatened.
• Centipedes have documentaries, movies and sex positions made after or about them. Millipedes appear in documentaries and movies by mistake.
• Millipedes get owned by little assassin bug nymphs (ectrichodia crux). Centipedes are able to eat snakes.

Not to be confused for a teenage millipede with acne problems

The fuck's wrong with this guy? 

Here's the VIDEO

• THEY LOOK FUCKING DIFFERENT YOU SHIT-HEADS!

There, now that's settled. Any time any of you go hiking, jungle trekking or whatnot and stumble upon a CENTIPEDE, KILL IT! Refer to my previous centipede-related post on methods of killing them HERE!

Fat World

ORIGINAL SONG: 'Mad World - Gary Jules' (if you've not heard this before, you... a.) suck and b.) should do so NOW, before proceeding with the parody) Done? Good. Now, sing along with these lyrics instead:
PARODY: 'Fat World' by Teh Moose

All around me are chubby faces
Worn out dresses, worn out faces
Fat and lazy for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their milkshakes are filling up their glasses
Extra whipcream, extra whipcream
Hide my head I wanna gorge my eyes out
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find you kind of chubby, I find you kind of fat
The dreams in which you're dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, You're the cause of earthquakes
When people run in circles its because of the...
Fat world, fat world

Children waiting for the day they lose weight
Keep on dreaming, Keep on dreaming
But I feel that every child should eventualy get laid
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and you were very nervous
No one knew you, no one liked you
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Must be phys ed, Must be phys ed

And I find you kind of chubby, I find you kind of fat
The dreams in which you're dying are the best I've ever had
I find you really smelly, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its because it's a
Fat world, Fat world, enlarging your world
Fat world

We're All The Same

If there's one thing I can't stand besides raisins, centipedes, peas, pineapples, bimbos, Twilight, politics, black pepper, boy bands, Justin Bieber, animal cruelty, Elmo, the vuvuzela and soppy movies (among other stuff), it's people who make fun of the disabled.
I'm gonna save the whole reasoning behind this because if you're already here on my blog, you've got some level of intelligence on you. That or you like boobies as much as I do.

This one's for all you Humpathon boobie fans

Anyway, moving on to the topic of my post. I was surfing the web and I came across this VIDEO. Meet Zach Anner, a 25 year old Texan who has cerebral palsy. (Note: I did not say 'suffers' from cerebral palsy and I highly suggest you don't too.) When Oprah held a contest called "Your Own Show", a talent search produced by Oprah and "Survivor" creator Mark Burnett, Zach along with other hopeful winners sent in their videos but it was Zach's video that got the greatest response - over 2.5 million votes in under a week!

This goes to prove that Zach Anner is no different than you and I, in fact he could possibly be better. When news of people making fun, ill treating or looking down on guys like Zach surfaces, it pisses me off to no end. To them, I flip the bird.

My lil' pal flips you the bird too

Anyway, this isn't a post out to gain sympathy for Zach, it's more of an awareness campaign. Through the video above, you can see how simply fuckin' hilarious this guy is!

"This isn't yoga, I'm just putting on pants."

"No obstacle is too big, no mountain is too high, no volcano is too hot, and no Atlantis is too underwater or fictional!"

Even John Mayer has noticed the kid and said he'd "love to see a show by this kid" after posting Zach's video on his blog. Zach thanked him and said "I know my body is a wonderland, but I don't know why he'd be interested in me!" on another VIDEO in which he thanked all the people who voted for him as well.

Check out Zach Anner's other video where he interviews Michael Cera and Alia Shawkat for kissing advice.

I think it's just amazing how people like Zach strive to pursue their dreams, demolishing any obstacles whatsoever in their path. Then you get little twats who complain about the tiniest of things ("Maaaa! Why's the internet so slow?!") while others are so content and satisfied living in their little own monotonous world, that they're too gutless to step outside of their comfort zone and actually pursue their utmost desires. The only thing stopping you from achieving your dreams... is you. Anyway, enough of my motivational crap talk, you have self-help books for that. I only have this to say, you only live once, and you're not growing younger by the day. If you keep holding things up, waiting for a tomorrow that will never come, you ain't going nowhere. Have a dream? Work towards it NOW dammit. Plus, with all that speculation that the world's gonna end in 2013, you had better hurry..

Lamb of God, Wrath Tour

Teh Moose recently experienced the ultimate concert with Metal legends, Lamb of God first hand - fists pumping, head banging, body slamming and all.

I’ve seen their videos, I was fond of their songs and I sure as Hell have seen the clips of thousands of people running into each other at full speed during the insane act known as the “Wall of Death.” The thought of injecting steroids into my system did run through my head – it was the only way a 6 ft 2, skinny ass like me was gonna make it through the night, but after much debate, I decided against it. Mainly because of my fear of needles.

I totally ignored the cries of caution like “You should bring along your full plate armour!” or “Scream ‘Justin Bieber is awesome!’ and they’ll be sure to let you off the hook”… I especially ignored that last one.

I wonder if anyone would notice

Anyway, it was my first Metal concert, the closest being Korn’s concert here in Malaysia back in 2009. But this was different, for one, it was happening at D’Marquee, Downtown East in Singapore and secondly, “Wall of Death”, remember!? Plus you know how the concerts here are. Deep Purple was a sit-down concert for fuck’s sake.

The venue was filled with Metalheads of every shape, race, gender, age and hair-do. Each with their own unique tee-shirt paying tribute to their favourite Metal band, singer or it had scary imprints of a skeleton a with flaming sword dry humping a tied-up, blind folded female slave – true story. What made it special was, they were all (despite their physical and sexual preference differences) part of a family and I was their newest member. I admit it, I didn’t know what to expect… was I gonna make it with all my ribs and teeth intact? Was I going to become partially deaf? Was I going to fall for a worthy female counterpart with tattoos, a tongue piercing, a leather outfit and an obsession with lethal weapons and in turn, get disowned by my parents?? This was all so new to me. "Screw it", I said to myself while screwing the jar of peanut butter I was munching on tightly.

Anyone seen my mama?

This was Lamb of God… definitely worth it! I stepped in the tent and was greeted by fans clad in black tees chanting the Pure American Metal band’s name while throwing their hands in the air with the easily identifiable ‘Devil Horns’ sign. Their chants immediately morphed into excited screams and shouts when the intro from ‘The Passing’ came on. More songs from their latest album, Wrath followed next with ‘In Your Words’ and ‘Set To Fail’ which was more than enough for the fans to kick start the sacrificial ritu… I mean mosh pit. It was like a scene from Prison Break when all the prisoners escaped only I joined in. Also, there was no T-Bag character walking around with his bitch holding on to the insides of his pocket.

Randy Blythe fed our hunger for more by playing ‘Walk With Me In Hell’ and ‘Now You’ve Got Something To Die For.’ Should it have been a normal day, with that much head banging and jumping around, my legs would’ve already been quivering and I would’ve had to sit down and catch my breath. But the energy that filled me that night was unexplainable. With Chris Adler’s drumming, Willie Adler’s crazy guitar rifts, John Campbell with the bass and Randy’s energetic and somewhat erotic growls, I wanted more. We all did. The pit grew larger and larger, especially so when Randy himself screamed, “Open it up!” I scanned the crowd eagerly for some Metalhead females who took what he said literally… no such luck however.

"Knock, knock" 

"Choo Choo Muthafucka!"

Back to the pit… I was head banging so hard to ‘Contractor’ that the concert tee shirts I purchased earlier flew out of my bag without me even noticing. Had it not been for that helpful metal head beside me who tapped me on my shoulder and pointed down to them, I would’ve been grieving over my loss right about now. See, that’s the surprising thing – one would expect a Metal concert to be filled with vicious, angry people whose happiness is based solely on the suffering of others and the decapitation of farm animals like goats… but this is absolutely not the case. There exists an unmentioned Metal Code of Ethics, and as mentioned before, we were a family, constantly on the lookout for a fallen comrade or someone in trouble. I’d request that you personally attend and experience a Metal concert before laying down prejudgments on the highly misunderstood Metalheads. I thanked the chap and my focus went back to the concert.

It was getting wilder than before and at last, the moment I dreaded yet secretly anticipated had arrived – the intro for ‘Black Label’ came on and I felt a shudder of excitement flow down through my spine as I watched the crowd divide themselves into two. The countdown took place and before I knew what was happening, all Hell broke loose. People were running into each other at top speed, bodies slamming, people had a look of pure animalistic rage on their faces and everyone chanted and head banged along to the tunes of one of Lamb of God’s greatest song – the “national anthem” for the Wall of Death, 'Black Label.' I wouldn’t have opted for any other finale to what was possibly the craziest night of my life.

Randy describes it best when he said:

"Holy fuckin shit! You people are fuckin crazy!!!" 

5 Jokes You Should Stop Using and Annoying Facebook Syndromes

It's time for some enlightenment with Teh Moose. As if plagiarized jokes being verbally thrown around isn't bad enough, you get them doing it at such a frequent rate, repeating them over, and over... and over again... We've all heard of em. I'm gonna do society a favor and list down some "expired" jokes that you should refrain from using. Ever...

NO. 1

"Your mother so fat, when she jump for joy... she got stuck" - Russel Peters...

Yes, yes. It was funny the first 1382714987123 times, but just like my aging grandma, it's getting old. Is that the only "yo mama" joke you can produce? Heck, you ain't even 'producing' it, you're just spitting out what you heard from Russel's stand up, probably after watching it for a few hundred times, memorizing and rehearsing all his jokes just so you can use it when:

i.) you're at the next family function while trying to divert the topic of your drinking habits brought up by your overly concerned aunt

ii.) you're on an outing with those nerds you call friends who snicker at every burp and think shoving straws up their noses is the funniest thing since the Bush administration

iii.) you're out with a hot chick and the awkward silence creeps in and she starts noticing the scribbles on your palms that read "Things not to do when on a date. You're a stallion! You're getting lucky tonight playahhh! Condom - check."

In fact, here's a suggestion - refrain from ANY Russel Peters jokes please. (note: This only applies to Malaysians, 'cause other stand up comedians produce jokes that they can't comprehend and thus, they don't regurgitate it repeatedly)


NO. 2

"My Engrand very the powderful" - I don't know who came up with this, but I'd love to meet him/her so I can shove my boot wayyyyy up his/her ass.

Just what kinda retarded shit is this? In no way whatsoever is this the slightest bit "clever" or should I say "crever"/"witty"... In fact, it's pure bullshit, just like how Twilight is full of crap. Yet you get these people going on and on about this. Adding "the" where it doesn't belong only makes you sound stupid, not funny. Adding a "R" where a "L" should be, can be funny at times, but not if you yourself speak like that. No, seriously. Powderful? What the fuck?! Seriously, this shit has been abused more times than Rihanna.

Haa...Haa...

NO. 3

Any "Singh" jokes.

Yes, back in the 80's, jokes like "What do you call a Punjabi who's good in fighting?... Box Singh (boxing)! heeeheahahahehaeh" might have worked, but seriously, on behalf of all Punjabis, I plead to you, cut it out. We have knives...

NO. 4

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes...

Look, honestly... it could be cause' Colonel Sanders was chasing him, he had issues with the government, he saw Susan Boyle, Justin Bieber was trying to dry hump the chicken... anything... I wanna live in a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Plus, I don't wanna listen to that joke anymore. And I feel pigs are way more awesome. From now on, it's gonna be "Why did the pig cross the road?"

NO. 5

"Don't pray pray" - Phua Chu Kang

He pulls it off cause he has a huge mole, funky yellow contractor boots, curly hair and cause he's Gurmit Singh. You're a desperate nobody who lacks originality. Stop using this.

And while we're on the topic of things that must stop. Here are some 'Sickening Facebook Syndromes'...

This is an example of an acceptable picture

The "Snap a Picture with My Pet and Await 'Awws' syndrome

Unless you're doing it genuinely, then it's fine. I mean, there are animal lovers out there, then there are attention whores. If you happen to be the latter, you can go choke on a donkey's left nut. And just for emphasis, that's left nut. Stick with the program.

The "Fuck My Life. I'm Fat and Nobody Loves Me" Syndrome

Yes, we know your self-esteem is as low as a hunching midget and how you're a social reject... Begging for attention however, may only work for some blondes - the very same people who consider 'Avatar' the best possible man-made movie ever in the history of mankind, but otherwise, all you're doing is making yourself look like a bigger (pun intended), needy loser.

Another exception to the rule

The "Wannabe Outlaw" Syndrome

Oh, look! A no smoking sign! I'm gonna go light up a cigarette, stand in front of it, put on a "gangstah-i-don't abide-by-the-law" face and ask someone to snap a picture of me so I can post it up on some social networking site. i.e: Facebook. How 'bout you step up to an electric fence, hold a light-bulb in one hand and lean on the fence with the other and say "Baked Cheese!"? Now that I'd "like."

The "Duckface" Syndrome

Pouting... Does. Not. Make. You. Look. Cute/Adorable/Hot/Sexy/Attractive in any God forsaken way. Why do you people do this? Can't just just smile? Or mouth the words "Cock Sucker" instead? Watching you quacks (puns ftw!) put on that weird pout makes us throw up inside our mouths. If you wanna look slutty, put on a schoolgirl outfit.

p.s: If you do own a slutty schoolgirl outfit, please call me.

If you do this, you need to stop. Or break something

The "Unique-Attention-Whore" Syndrome

In hopes of appearing as 'creative' and 'different', attention whores now resort to mid-air shots, somersaults and other freeze-frame pictures to help them gain attention and "likes" and comments that usually go something like "Omg babez! That's such an awesome shot! Were you flying?" by the females, while men usually go "Lolz. Nice shot (while thinking to themselves, dayumm this girl's flexible. Maybe I should shower her with more compliments and pray I get lucky), I have a DSLR too. We should go out sometime and take more pics. ;] ) A picture of someone falling face first into a pile of mud on the other hand, IS funny and "like" worthy.

As of now, these are all I can think of, but rest assured, I'll be updating this list as soon as I encounter more expired jokes and things not to do on Facebook. So as usual, since I take pride in believing that real people actually visit and read my blog posts... with that being said, should you think any additions should be made to this list, go ahead and post 'em in the comments section.

Tiger Abuse at A-Famosa

By now, you should already know that Malaysia is synonymous with "animal abuse" among other words which is simply far too long (and perhaps, controversial) to list right now.

Besides the third-world manner of dealing with strays - shoving a stick down a dog's throat, tying it up and leaving it do die in its own feces OR organizing a fun activity like "Hunt the Stray & win $$", we've also gotta realize another lingering problem... the abuse of animals for the entertainment of others and just to make a little extra cash.

Places like Zoo Negara are meant to educate the young and old alike on wildlife - from their habits, to what they eat, to their names and blah blah blah. But unlike other countries that make this their priority, we're obviously more focused on the monetary aspect that places like this can provide. Just visit the Zoo and you'll see the pathetic conditions the animals live in, not to mention how malnourished they look. And I think this report by a reporter from Al Jazeera English ought to shock you: Wildlife for sale at Malaysian zoos

Recently, this video of a tiger being abused in A-Famosa has been going around. You can watch it HERE.

Now, this has caused quite a stir among animal activists here in Malaysia, and it's slowly creeping its way internationally too (YAY!). What any regular human being with half a brain sees is a heavily drugged tiger getting its slapped around, having its whiskers pulled and treated in an overall careless manner just for people to stupidly step up, pay RM 15 and have their picture taken with a half-dead tiger.

But when the officials of A-Famosa were questioned about this, they responded with what can possibly be described as the dumbest, most intellectually-challenged response ever.
"The tiger is just lazy..." More specifically, here's the entire e-mail response given by a certain Eric Ong who's from Marketing at A-Famosa.

Dear DewGem,
Warmest Greetings From A'Famosa Resort

We're referring to your e-mail on regards of the video shared on www.youtube.com

We would like make things clear that we never druged any of the animal for entertainment sake. The tiger shown in the video was just merely lazy and it's was (awesome grammar Eric) their nature to do so. We pratice a standard level in handling the animals.

However, rest assure that we had stop the photography session with the tigers due to the public & management concern of the tigers welfare. We appreciated your feedback which had been forwarded to management for their action to be taken.

Thank You.
Eric Ong.

(This e-mail was sent to "DewGem" whose real identity I'm not sure of, but all I can say is I truly value his/her taking concern in this matter and taking the trouble to send an e-mail to Eric. My e-mail was a little more harsh, so no response expected from Eric there.)
HAHAHA! Their nature to do so? Mister Eric here has obviously not subscribed to Animal Planet, or this certain attribute called "common sense" for that matter.

The fellas from A-Famosa also sent an e-mail to another concerned member of the public (whose name is kept private for obvious reasons) saying:

Warmest Greetings From A'Famosa Resort

We're referring to your e-mail on regards of the said video.
We would like to inform that the photography session had been removed since a few months ago due to the concern by the managment of the animal welfare.
We appreciated your feedback and hope that you have a nice day.

Thank You.
Eric Ong

As for now, I've no evidence if what they're saying is true. For all the latest updates on this inhumane issue, you can follow the "Stop Animal Abuse at A-Famosa" Facebook group.

If you feel strongly about this issue too, I suggest you don't retain the "Oh, what can we do? Our country is such. Maybe if I just ignore it, it'll go away" attitude. Instead, voice out your rage. Contact the necessary people.

CONTACTS:
For starters, here are some of the folks from A-Famosa itself.

eric.marketing@afamosa.com
ping.marketing@afamosa.com
kelly.tt@afamosa.com

You can also add the nice folks at A-Famosa on their Facebook page. Feel free to flood the page with cries of anger, complaints and videos of the abuse.

Alternatively, you could visit WWF Malaysia's website. (Personally, I'd say that's wishful thinking) But they ARE having a competition in which 5 celebrities compete for the title of WWF-Malaysia’s Tx2 Tiger Ambassador.We could certainly make full use of that. Or you could flood the WWF Facebook page. That should work too.

Next up, join the Malaysian Conservation Alliance for Tigers (MYCAT) on their Facebook page and voice out your concerns.

More methods of action (taken from Stop Animal Abuse at A'Famosa)

How to Take Action:
Here are some ways you can expose this injustice & drive for action from relevant authorities.

1. Spread the word:
Share this with as many people as possible. Post the link of this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5ACVn73YL0) on your Facebook Profile and ask your friends to join this Facebook Page on the latest: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Stop-Animal-Abuse-at-A-Famosa/125692030790253?v=app_2373072738

2. CALL the Wildlife Crime Hotline: 019-356-4194 to complain about the A'FAMOSA Tiger Abuse.

3. Write to the Chief Minister of Melaka; include the link to the video posted as the "Website" in this page. Urge him to take enforcement action on this irresponsible methods: alirustam@melaka.gov.my

4. Write to the PERHILITAN Director-General's office and urge for action to change A'Famosa's handling of wildlife:
E-mails: Dato' Abd. Rashid Samsudin rashid@wildlife.gov.my
pakp@wildlife.gov.my
Phone Numbers: http://bit.ly/9Xlg8c

5. Write to wildlife conservation NGOs to advocate for justice on behalf of the abused tigers. If this is how one tiger can be treated, imagine the other animals in the same safari at A'Famosa:

a) Malaysian Conservation Alliance of Tigers (MYCAT). This is a joint programme between Malaysian Nature Society (MNS), TRAFFIC South East Asia, WWF Malaysia, Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS):
Emails: malaysian_cat2003@yahoo.com / mycat@wildlife.gov.my
Tel: +6 (03) 9075 2872 ext 140
More details here: http://www.mns.org.my/artabout.php?aid=40

b) TRAFFIC Network on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/trafficnetwork
TRAFFIC South East Asia e-mail: tsea@po.jaring.my
Tel: +(603) 7880 3940

c) WWF Malaysia on FB: http://www.facebook.com/wwfmy
E-mail: contactus@wwf.org.my
Tel: +603 7803 3772

d) Malaysian Nature Society: http://www.mns.my/
Email: mns@mns.org.my
Tel: +603 - 2287 9422

6. Write to your local newspapers to investigate and write about this affront of wildlife treatment.

7. Call the local TV stations to run an expose on this abuse.


Do your part and make a change! Spread the word and do not let this sick issue remain unknown.

Damn Centipedes Have a Movie Now?!

Well... that's it. This is the end of Teh Moose.
It's been great knowing you guys. After countless years at war with those bastards... after posting up articles with empowering knowledge on how to end the life of centipedes... how they breed, how they act, their favorite hiding spots, how they make macho men like me scream like a little girl... I thought I had won. I had supporters, I had people thanking me for enlightening them on Terrorpedes and their meaningless existence. Some people were in it just for the cool anti-centipede t-shirts, but hey, I made people aware!
But now... they went to the one place that can fuck anyone up. They've gone to Hollywood.

I recently received news that they've made a movie. It's cleverly called 'The Human Centipede.'

I cannot express how freaked out I am, and I think this movie is placed right next to Twilight on my "HOLY-FUCK-I'M-NEVER-WATCHING-THIS" list. Below is the trailer (which I've not watched) so I really don't know how it is. I'm sorry, you guys carry on and watch it. I... I just can't.

The Human Centipede Trailer
I would've placed the player here if it weren't such a fat hoe that keeps blocking my page.

If they come up with 'The Human Raisin', 'The Human Pea... Man. Thingy" or 'The Human Pineapple' next... I swear. Someone up there (in Hollywood) hates me.

The Slut Song

ORIGINAL: 'The Earth Song' by the late Michael Jackson
PARODY: 'The Slut Song' by Teh Moose

Try to have the original song playing in the background or something so you can sing along to it. It's great family fun. Bring your parents, partners and younger siblings too. 

                         

Forget about marriage
Forget about kids
Forget about all the things
That you expected to gain...
Forget about dates
Why waste time
Forget about all the things
That you said was yours and hers...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the so-called college trips
Did you ever stop to notice
The lying sluts, the cheating whores!?

Aaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaah

What have you done to the world
Look what you've done
What about all the sex
That you pledged was only mine...
What about flowers and meals
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the men dead from whores
Did you ever stop to notice
The lying sluts, the cheating whores!?

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaah

I used to have wet dreams
I used to glance under your skirt
Now I don't know where you’ve been
For all I know, you’ve got herpes

Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaaah Aaaaaaaaaaaah

Hey, what about yesterday
(Forget about hoes)
What about the gifts
(Forget about hoes)
The heavens are falling down
(Forget about hoes)
I can't even breathe
(Forget about hoes)
What about the notes I made
(Forget about hoes)
Can't you feel my wound
(Forget about hoes)
What about self worth
(ooo,ooo)
It's your own loss
(Forget about hoes)
What about my big schlong
(What about it)
That has turned kingdoms to dust
(Forget about hoes)
Well, you look like an elephant
(Forget about hoes)
Yes, I’ve lost trust
(Forget about hoes)
You ride the short bus
(Forget about hoes)
I think you have crabs
(Forget about hoes)
What about my bacon sammich bish
(ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite my pleas
(Forget about hoes)
What about your ‘holy land’
(What about it)
Now it’s torn apart by 5 dicks
(Forget about hoes)
What about the other man
(Forget about hoes)
Can't we set him on fire
(Forget about hoes)
What about your dignity dying
(Forget about hoes)
Can't you hear them cry
(Forget about hoes)
Where did your parents go wrong
(ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why
(Forget about hoes)
What about boobies
(Forget about hoes)
What about the lays
(Forget about hoes)
What about all their joy
(Forget about hoes)
Fuck it, I ain’t turning gay
(Forget about hoes)
Your face is a moon crater
(Forget about hoes)
Oh, look e-bay sent my inflatable doll
(Forget about hoes)
What about your death
(ooo, ooo)
Like I give a damn

I'm A Little Alco

ORIGINAL: 'I'm a Little Teapot' by GodKnowsWho
PARODY: 'I'm a Little Alco' by Teh Moose

I'm a little alco
Hand me my stout
Here is my belly
Here is my mouth
When I get all thirsty
Hear me shout
Tip the bottle over and pour it all out

I'm a very special drunkard
It's so, so true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can make my voice suddenly sound like Elvis
A little more drinks, and I’ll be dry humping your pelvis

I'm a little alco
Beers and stouts
Here is some money
Now hand me my stout!
When I get all drunk and high
I just shout
Tip me over and watch puke pour out

I'm a very special drinker
It's fucking true
Here's an example of what I can do
I can turn my bottle into a flute
But when I sometimes get too high, I think my phlegm is glue.

Kids and Porn

You know, I've decided that I'm gonna start posting random thoughts here.
LOOK! TITS!
How's that for starters?!

Anyhoe, work has been fun, but extremely draining, hence my sudden absence. I know, I know. Rumors have emerged that I ran off to the jungles of Sabah while shrieking Moose mating calls secretly hoping of finding that one true love. Those rumors were partially true. Only, replace mating calls with 'tranquilizer.' Yes, but due to work, I can't really mass produce blog posts like I used to. NO! Don't cut your wrists just yet (I take pride in pretending that I have hardcore followers here)

So, anyway. I was thinking... You guys watch Japanese porn, don't ya? Of course you do.
Well, don't.
I find it to be one of the most annoying types of adult entertainment out there.
Sure, Maria Ozawa and Rio are freakishly hot, but... seriously. Maria sounds like a puppy getting sodomized with a 9 inch cucumber and Rio... she's just plain hot, but that whole 'kawaii' act. That shit for real? I mean... is that really how they talk? With that squeaky, 'anime' like voice, with those weird pouts and... WHY DO THEY CENSOR JAP PORN?!
It's not like the guys have a fuckin 7 inch Johnson anyways. All you need is one tiny pixel, and you're done. But nooooo, they gotta chuck a whole big pixelated square covering everything.

And you know what? Kids these days are so fucking spoilt. Back then, we used to get our fix by watching... sigh.. still images. YES! Admit it! Unless you had an elder brother who hid his porn CD stash of 'Saving Ryan's Privates' and 'Luke Thighwalker' unsuccessfully, or you had parents who were in the 'experimenting' stage and were so certain that their doors had been built sound proof by Uncle Lim the contractor... Otherwise, you TOO secretly crept up to the PC strategically placed in the middle of the hall by your parents, used a pillow as a silencer for that stupid loud-ass Jaring connection and enjoyed an hour or two of nice, still images of naked women. But no.... kids these days have MTV, they have YouTube, they have a long list of streaming porn sites, they have torrents... I hate kids.

I walk into Toys "R" Us now, and I go "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T THEY HAVE THAT WHEN I WAS A KID!??" ... Walkin around, head buried in their damn PSPs, spending the evenings at home watching Ben 10... Damn kids.

And you know what? Christina Hendricks is inhumanely hot.

I mean, look at those... eyes.