Raisins... Why raisins? Leave the poor ol grape alone. Grapes are sexay. But when they "morph" into shrivelled up miniature prunes, which are HAZARDOUS to humans, mind you...
They taste disgustingly sourish and... poopy. Heck, they even look like deer poop. Or rat poo. Poo in general ok?
Since it's birth in Israel in 500 BC, raisins have since plagued the entire world.
They've conquered "Cerea-Land" and you can spot them hiding not-so-innocently between the cornflakes.
Even Anus the Great, (now known as Famous Amos) was not spared. His deliciously yummy, crunchy... NOW RAISIN infested cookies have caused his empire to perish.
Compare grapes to raisins... Grapes are such perteh fruits. They come in green, purple, red... then there's raisins! The Outcast if the Grape Vine. Turds of the vine.
Another reason to hate raisins, is it's utmost resemblance to a dead/alive... bug.
Take a look...
A bunch of ticks having an orgy
A raisin
UH HUH! Fooled ya didnt I!? I knew it!
Other valid reasons to despise raisins:
1.) raisins are just rabbit-breeders making that last bit of coin on the consumers' gullibility.
2.) raisins can be used as bullets thus, promotes violence
3.) you may trip over a raisin and break your back bone
4.) Raisins contain nicotine
5.) Raisins are boy band's official snack
6.) Raisins kill your dog. (dog owners, take note. TRUE!!!)
7.) Your annoying nephew can choke on a raisin and die. Hey!.. hmm....
Okay here's the song part.
Oh raisins, they look like poo.
People hate them, i do too.
Let's burn them all, spare the grapes,
Uhm... raisins cause date rapes?
True Story: One time, like this raisin thingy, like fell from a plane. And then it like, it hit a little Kazakhstani boy, and he like... cried! Dude!
Conclusion: Raisins KILL! They only "rais" problems and "rais" deaths... So lets "e-rais" Raisins from the surface of God's Green Earth!
JOIN ME IN THIS COMBAT! RAISINS MAY COVER THE SUN, FILLING THE SKY, BUT WE WILL DESTROY THEM IN THE SHADE THEN! FOR SPARTAAAAA!!!!!! .. okay sorry... too much 300 influence.
Leonidas pawns! (and doesn't eat raisins)
p.s: Join the "Rawr! Rape Raisins!" Club this very instant! Yes, NOW you moron. Before it's too late. Call 1-800-raisins-r-retards or visit www.raisins?riiiiight.com
Besides those annoying centipedes, another thing that servers no purpose here on Earth... are PEAS!!!
Who, in their right state of mind, would like to eat peas!? The thing is, it's everywhere! In your fried rice, with your salad, heck, they even have Pea flavoured Keropok!
Peas are just plain nasty. Mushy lil green stuff that has an awful taste. Anything with peas in it, isn't worth eating.
Here's a story which should give you another reason on why you shouldn't eat peas. There was this female TV presenter aight. And she was tasting a dish that had loads of peas in it. She was asked what she thought of the dish. It was delicious to her apparently, cause she said "I like the taste of pea-ness" outloud... Infront of national tv... There you have it! Peas are causing nothing but trouble and misery to everyone who has anything to do with it!
Of all the veggies that exist... why would you choose peas? Brocolli's rule by the way. Yeh. uh huh! In your face, Peas! Sure, you may have an international band with your name in like Black Eyed Peas... so what!? The Green Brocolli Boys are also a hit in the music industry! Well, maybe not just yet.. But anywway..
Ah found one! How can you beat Korn eh!? They're named after a veggie too. And it's a much more tastier one. There's sweet corn, there's pop corn... You don't hear nothing bout Sweet Peas (except in Popeye) or Pop Peas do ya? No? HUH!?
Than it's settled! Peas are just a mistake in this world! A mutant! An uninvited guest! Pack your bags, gather your centipede, pineapple, raisin and black pepper gang and get the hell out! Oh no... don't you try givin' me that sad face...
SCRAM!
Here's a song dedicated to peas all over the world. (They're everywhere!) Not for long... Muahahaha!
I hate peas. I hate peas.
Don't feed me peas. Don't feed me peas.
Peas on a plate make me weak in my knees.
As they near my mouth my lips start to freeze.
I prefer that you give me some chocolate, please.
'Cause I hate peas. I hate peas.
By the way, if you wanna join the "Provide Pain to Peas Posse", and rid of this forsaken so-called veggies.. Call 1800-Peas-Suck today!
AND yes, of course you'll get smth free you darn cheapskates...
A Sexy "I Hate Peas" Tee awaits new members. Parade around your neighbourhood proudly with this awesome tee-shirt!
Call and join us NOW!!!
(while stocks last)
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