I know what I want this Christmas...

Here I am, digesting my roasted pork and rice meal, and I stumble upon something that just made my stomach rumble in hunger.

We are all aware of my passion for Pork, Beer and Pork.

Now, I've travelled the land far and wide, searching for the best Pork dishes around. I've discovered some awesome places, and one more I pledge to visit is "Kristang". As the name suggests, it's a Portuguese restaurant/pub which has amazing pork burgers (so other pork lovers say) with bacon and whatnot in it.

But today, I realize that my appetite for pork can only be fulfilled by one and only one type of pig... the giant Feral pig.




In the words of our departed Steve Irwin... "Crikey! Would you look at the size on that one!?"


In the words of our beloved Fat Bastard... "I want my baby back, baby back, baby back riiiibsss!"

In the words of.... Ah, to Hell with it. No one can describe the beauty of this pig. It could last me a whole 3 days!

Ack... Billy Bob the Hillbilly beat me to it. Never even offered to share, that cunt. Now, I am gonna make sure that one day before my passing, I WILL EAT JOO DAMN FAT PIG!!

Oh, by the way, the pig in the picture above was spotted eating a dead cow...

"The source said the 220kg beast was eating a cow when it was first seen by workers mustering cattle in a helicopter." (News.au)

While we're on the topic of porky fantasies (soon to be reality!), here's another pig I'd wanna eat.

Oh wait... you know what? Here's a better idea, I'd force Porky Pig (I think he'd do it voluntarily though) to mate with Ms. Piggy (from the Muppet show... for you cave dwellers) in a movie.. Maybe a movie like "Plump Fiction".. let them have little piglets.... and THEN I eat them... And then I decide to eat Porky Pig too... and all of a sudden, I start screaming "As they say, there's no better pig than one with a wig" and I gobble Miss Piggy up (while listening to March of the Pigs on my iPod). But not after duelling with her ex husband, Kermit. So, I end up killing Kermit too and since I don't eat frogs, I donate his remains to a Chinese Restaurant. In return for my kindness, Madam Su Lee gives me more pork and the Humper lives happily ever after. What an ending.

Ack! Must have Porkkk!

We're gonna have to lie...

It is common in our society to have men labeled as the more evil one of the two sexes.
Whether a woman cheats, abuses, uses or leeches off a man, the blame most often comes back to men.
To top it off, women have all these NGOs and such to help "protect" their rights in case THEY get abused physically or very recently... emotionally.
Yesh, very soon, it may be an offense for calling your wife ugly...

"Calling your wife ugly to humiliate her may soon be considered an offense under proposed amendments to the Domestic Violence Act 1994." (Star online, May 28th)

The aim of this "very-much-needed" Act? To safeguard these poor helpless, innocent, loyal women from emotional and physical abuse.

I mean, half the women out there do indeed suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity (that explains a lot of their actions ay?) and that leads them to doing things that most of the times, seem sad to others. But nah, now these poor creatures need a proper regulation to help maintain their already fragile emotional state.

What next? An act that disallows criticism of your wife's cooking? An act to make sure that she receives gifts worth RM 2500 or more for her birthday? Nigga prease...
As if the media hasn't done enough to scrape off whatever innocence and individualism they have left in them.

Women aren't always the victims. What happened to this "gender equality" everyone demands for? Why can't there be an act which makes it an offense if your wife says "You have such a huge belly?" or worse... "Stop drinking!"

Idol Stays Straight

If you didn't catch the LIVE finale of American Idol (and missed the replay too), countless Facebook statuses surely must have already given it away. Yes, thank the Lord for people fond of stating the obvious on Facebook.

It came as a shock to many, a relief to some, and well, personally, some just didn't give a rat's ass. So, the judge's personal favorite, Adam Lambert actually wasn't crowned the new American Idol. After everyone, including Jimmy Kimmel, Simon Cowell and a whole other bunch of people expressed their confidence in Adam bagging the title, the not-so-worshiped Kris Allen is the new American Idol. What does this say? I'm guessing not many people were keen on a non-straight guy winning it and maybe the fact that majority of the voters are tween girls could have been the cause too.

Yipee-Ka-Yay. What does Kris Allen winning possibly mean? Well, it means more typical yawn-along songs VERY VERY much similar to that of David Cook or Daughtry. Yeap, if Adam had won, we could've expected something a whole lot more different. Adam was a pioneer, he could take any song and "pimp" the Hell out of it and still make it sound originally awesome.

I'm definitely not looking forward to his album, and heck, I've actually never been a fan of any single idol contestant. But this year, that changed when Adam took the stage. I'd have to call it the most interesting American Idol season so far. Oh well, he's bound to come up with an album anyway, so there's something to look forward to.

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!

Seriously! Did any of you watch the damn match? Let us first take a look a few weeks back, at the so-called "domination" of Barcelona. They trashed Bayern, Real Madrid and seemed to be on a winning... or trashing streak rather. Heck, I was freaked out upon knowing we were gonna face them in the semis.
Then, Chelsea went in ultra-defensive mode and held Barcelona at a draw... at home! Glorious moment for the Blues. Last night saw the next "date" between Chelsea and Barcelona at Stamford Bridge.
Even with a spectacular goal by Essien, that actually held us strong till the 90th minute... the 4 min stoppage time saw Iniesta equalizing. Fine, shit happens. That, I can accept.
What pisses the fuck out of me was the ref's blonde-like decisions. Or as we Malaysians would call, "Referee KAYUUUU".
Two penalties were ignored in the first half, and during the second half, a hand ball which happened right under his nose was also waved away. Fuckin' rigged if you ask me... or any fucking person at all, come to think of it. So, yeah, go scream "BARCAAAAAA" and jump around like a bunch of wounded ducks. If I were a Barca fan, I would be embarrassed. Chelsea deserved the fucking win... and in my eyes, they have classified as legends for this year's Champion's League. UEFA on the other hand, had other plans obviously... One which wants to avoid another all English final.

I couldn't be fucked about the finals no more, what with refreeing such as this one, by our dear Ovrebo.
Here's the video of Drogba losing it.. For good reason.




Whether you're a Chelsea fan or not, I bet you too realize just how pathetic Ovrebo was. Chelsea was the better team, and if it takes the teamwork of UEFA officials and the referee to bring down the Blues, then I laugh at their desperation and fear.

CHELSEA FOR LIFE!!!

Rock Week

There was no chance in Hell I was gonna miss American Idol's Rock Week.
Slash was the guest talent, giving them hints and advise on just how to rock the stage... But all the while, I was just sitting there, hoping that someone would play a Led Zeppelin song.
I mean, common, it's Rock week for fuck's sake! What's Rock without Led Zep?
Well, true enough, I heard the intro for Whole Lotta Love, and then... that gay Adam Lambert walks in. As tempted as I was to look away, I just watched him perform, and despite his dick-sucking tendencies, I believe no one else could have performed that song better than Adam.

He friggin' owned it, and just like the judges, I too agree that his performance was the best of the night.

Note: I'm so glad Adam didn't sing the middle part, where Robert Plant goes into a trance and starts... Moaning? I mean... for Plant it was cool and shit. But listening to Adam do it? *shudders* I'll pass. Anyway, here's the video clip of Adam singing Whole Lotta Love, by the greatest Rock band on Earth, that ever lived, Led Zeppelin!

New Alarm System

The Fluffster was reading the news when he stumbled upon one that read:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

After a series of burglaries, owners of businesses in Split, Croatia, have put life-sized cutouts of the kung-fu action man in their windows.

An accompanying sign in each window reads, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

There hasn't been a single burglary since. (NY Post)

This does NOT however give Humpathon readers the right to start commenting with lame-ass Chuck Norris jokes. We've heard em' all. Save it.

Elsewhere, random girl tells random Moose that she "Has just gotten her lil one circumsised"..

Random Moose says he always knew she had a penis..

Speaking of dicks...

A man who underwent penis-enlargement surgery in Russia came back to doctors a month later begging them to undo it because he was too big.

"He said no woman wants to be with him anymore," a doctor said. "If there was a surgery to enlarge brains, we would offer him a free trial." (NY Post)

And you guys wonder why I'm losing faith in humanity one moron at a time...

I told you so!

The Fluffster has been saying it all this while... KFC is THE way to go. It's healthy, it's tasty and it gets you the chicks.
From Ronald's shrine of Pedo-ness and food-poisoning prone food whereas, you suffer.
I suffered food poisoning cause of the "oh-so-delicious" prosperity burger.. and now look at this video I bumped into recently. Yep, go on. Get a happy meal.



I'm heading to KFC right now.