Movie Reviews

Fluffy has recently watched these movies:

i. Eastern Promises
ii. Meet the Spartans
iii. Sweeney Todd
iv. American Gangster
v. P2



Eastern Promises

Viggo Mortensen a.k.a Mr Aragorn from LOTR a.k.a Mr Ugly Teeth acts in this movie along side Naomi Watts (King Kong)... (No, she didn't act as King Kong, she acted IN it..)
Okay anyway, this movie is about Naomi, a nurse who helps deliver this baby from an underage girl who dies after giving birth. Naomi then starts being a nosy nurse and reads the girl's diary and discovers some dark secret regarding the Russian mob. Apparently, the head of one of these Russian mobs raped her and abused her. Where does Viggo come in? Well, he's the driver of the mob leader's son, Kiril or something. He does his chauffeur like duties and helps Kiril dump dead bodies and the usual stuff drivers do. But little did Kiril or anyone watching the movie for the first time know, he's an undercover cop kinda guy. He's actually trying to capture those Vodka-loving, whore humping lot. In the end, he actually becomes the mob leader himself!

Memorable scene: Kiril talking on the phone to his Russian friend saying "The coast is clear" (meaning the cops have left) and the guy on the other line says "What coast? The beach?" Kiril then asks him to improve on his English. Hahaha! Also, the Russian whores were pretty hot.



Meet The Spartans

Why is it that each time a movie spoof comes out, Carmen Electra has to be in it? First Epic movie, now this. She's probably the only "actress" dumb enough to act in such movies, so well, the directors did a smart thing picking her. Back to the movie, I have to admit, as stupid as it was, it made me laugh. A lot. The movie is a spoof of 300 as you can probably already guess unless you're a complete blonde. Except, in this movie the Spartans greet each other by high-"fiving" the women and open mouthed tongue kisses for the men. That explains their gay "march" to battle while singing Cake's "I Will Survive". (which made me laugh real loud, mind you) Nearly all the scenes were similar to the actual movie... Yeah, they actually did a good job at that. For instance, the part Leonidas kicks the Persian messenger into the black pit, in the spoof, he also kicks Britney Spears, Sanjay from American Idol, K. Fed, Ryan Seacrest jumped in himself, and then there was Randy, Paula and Simon who were judging Leonidas's kick... Yep... And there was also a parody of America's Next Top Model; Sparta's Next Top Model. (for the MALE Spartans, not the gals) I was waiting for the fighting scenes eagerly, and when it finally came... It was a dance off between the Spartans and the Persians led by Method Man. Hahaha! Xerxes was none other than Borat's fat friend, Azamat. And by watching this movie, we now know that Spartans too enjoy a nice bottle of beer after killing a bunch of people. I'm sure we all can relate to that.

The only Spartan I want to meet

Memorable scenes: The Elders receiving facial products from Leonidas, the battle scenes between the Spartans and the Persian army and well that's all I can recall. Just watch the damn movie.



Sweeney Todd

There's no denying Johnny Depp's acting capabilities, and in this movie he proves it once again. Only, in a more annoying way - by singing. Now I'm sure every girl out there watched the movie to drool over him, instead of appreciating the movie. This was a remake of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936!) Another version of the movie was entitled Bloodthirsty Butchers which came out in 1970. There, now I only added all that crap so you'd think this blog was educational... Back to the movie, it has left a dark affect on me, and now I'll always think twice before eating meat pies. The songs were annoying, the movie had a sense of dark humour to it, and the cinemas censored the throat-slicing scenes! Oh, Borat's in the movie too, well not Borat, Borat, but Sacha Baron Cohen. I personally think it would've been a better movie if weren't a musical. But either way, it's something worth watching if you appreciate musicals... and Johnny.

Memorable scene: Apply shaving cream, sing, SLICE!, dump.




American Gangster

Denzel Washington starts in this true story of Frank Lucas, a heroin king-pin from Harlem. He smuggled heroin from Vietnam into the U.S using army planes during the war. Pretty smart eh? The movie's about Frank Lucas who at first was a driver and right-hand for Ellsworth "Bumpy" Johnson, (a gangster in Harlem) then took over his place after his death. With the help of his cousin who's in the U.S Army, he smuggles pure heroin into the U.S, selling them at super cheap bargains which would put even Petaling Street to shame. He strikes it rich, and soon people start noticing this notorious driver turned gangster. The cops too take notice what with his association with high-level criminals and all his flashy bling. Soon, Russel Crowe who plays detective Richie, gets more evidence to prove Frank is indeed upto something fishy, finally catches him. Having no choice, Frank gives out names of his druggie homeboys to the cop and the sentence given to him was lessened thanks to his "help". Backstabber!

Memorable Scene: When Frank walks up to this guy and shoots him right in the middle of a crowded area then calmly walks back and has his breakfast at the diner he was at. Smooth!




P2

Now I had a hard time trying to figure out if this movie was a comedy or a thriller. The story is about this lady Angela Brides (Rachel Nichols), who at Christmas Eve leaves her office late. There you go, lesson one, at the eve of a public holiday, why the Hell do you wanna stay in and work? Anyway, finally after everyone has left, she decides to leave and heads to her car which is parked at (surprise, surprise) level P2. There, she discovers that her car isn't working, and she runs to the security guard, Thomas (Wes Bentley) for help. Little did she know, Thomas has been watching her over time and knows her schedule and pretty much everything about her. He's obsessed with her and soon a cat and mouse chase emerges between them. He also has a cute Rottweiler which kindly chases Angela around. Aww, it's playing catch. Now, this Thomas chap is a sick individual. He catches her, changes her into a nice dress, ties her up and then asks her to have dinner with him. The funny part is how he genuinely thinks she will fall in love with him. She stabs him with a fork, hits him yet he remains patient with her and says he only wants her to be happy and won't do anything to hurt her. Uh, way to go Thomas, kidnapping her obviously didn't hurt her in any way. He even goes as far to murder Angela's boss who tried to get jiggy with her in the lift while he was drunk. Touching. Throughout the movie, she tries to run away, he tries to catch her. The dog gets stabbed to death thanks to Angela that whore and as Karma would have it, being in a parking basement, her phone has no reception. Ahaha! Take that for killing the dog. Eventually she finds a spot with some reception, calls the cops, they come, they die, she kills him and then leaves.

Memorable Scenes: The part where Thomas kills Angela's boss. He ties him up to a chair, uses his car to push him towards a wall, reverses his car, then accelerates and smashes the boss. He repeats the process not once, not twice, but three times! Oh another scene would be the part where he was looking for Angela after he finds out she tried to call the cops. He says "Angela, why did you call the cops? Are you trying to get me fired? I don't think your salary alone would be enough to support us." Ahahahaha! The part where he dances to Elvis is cool too.

Well, that's it for now. Look forward to more music and movie reviews in my upcoming posts. Till then, don't stop humping.