Original Song: 4 Non Blondes - "Hey!What's Going On?"
Parody: Syncronos - "Hey!Who Moved My Bong!?"
25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get off that great
big hill of dope
for an occupation
I realized quickly when I'm really pissed
that the cops are all saying that cannabis is banned
...or whatever that means
And so I try sometimes
when my eyes are all red,
just to get it all out what's in my head
then I...
I am feeling a little peculiar
And when I wake in the morning and my brain is fried
and I take deep breath, but I don't get high
then I scream from the top of my lungs
"Who moved my bong!?"
and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?
Oh, oooh...
Oh, oooh...
and I buy, man oh man do I buy
I buy all the time
For my favorite stoners
and I pay, man oh man do I
pay
I pay every single day
for the damn freeloaders!
And so I try sometimes
when my eyes are all red,
just to get it all out what's in my head
then I...
I am feeling a little peculiar
And when I wake in the morning and my brain is fried
and I take deep breath, but I don't get high
then I scream from the top of my lungs
"Who moved my bong!?"
and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?
and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?
Oh, oooh, oooh...
25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get off that great
big hill of dope...
wait, I can't remember...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Wa wa we wa! Been months since i last went back to my hometown. Was lookin forward to this trip (minus the missing Cheryl part). Meet up with old friends, good ol' Penang food, erm... okay that's pretty much all i had to look forward to in Penang. OHH!! No, wait wait... How could i forget.. my cousin's maid's cooking. Or was it grandma's... See, grandma thought the maid how to cook, and sometimes she cooks too.. either way... it's just nastehhh!I was back in Penang for 2 weeks. Here's a preview of what fine selection of food the maid/grandma had prepared for me.
Day One:
Name: Dhal v 1.0Description: Yellow thick thingy which just has chilis in it and water.
Taste: Drink boiled water with chilis and yellow colouring. Tastes freakishly same.
Rating: 1/5
Day Two:
Name: Vegetable CurryDescription: Some carrots, potatoes and spices, curry powder and lots and lots of water.
Taste: Curry powder + water... with chunks of carrot to chew on.
Rating: 0.3/5
Day Three:
Name: Dhal v 2.0Description: Refer to Dhal v 1.0. This just has more potatoes and spices.
Taste: Unfortunately, this one has slightly less water content thus, it doesn't taste too much like drinking water.
Rating: 1.8/5
Day Four:
Name: What da heck is this!? Wait lemme take a closer look... Ah okay. Fish CurryDescription: Watery curry with ladies fingers, fish, potatoes and more water.
Taste: Like an aquarium with ladies fingers in it
Rating: -3.7/5
Day Five:
Name: Veggie Curry...Description: Lots and lots of unique water taste complemented with carrots, potatoes and ladies fingers. Yummeh!
Taste: D'uh!
Rating: 0.1/5
Day Six:
Name: You should know by now... Dhal returns.Description: Yellow, slimy looking thingy with curry leaves floating around.
Taste: WATER! TASTES LIKE WATER DAMMIT!
Rating: How bout you kiss my skinny butt/5
Day Seven:
Name: Yadaa Yadaa CurryDescription: Curry, with potatoes and some veggie I'm not familiar with. Drumsticks!? Iono..
Taste: Surprise! Like water with a sprinkle of some curry powder and a Veggie that tastes worst than it looks.
Rating: None/5
Ah, there you have it. Pleasant dining memories at my cousin's house courtesy of that damn maid! No surprise I tried as hard as i could to stray away from my cousin's house during lunch/dinner hours. Heck, i even chose to walk all the way to the shops to get some REAL penang food. Thank God for Jun Yew, Clement and Jensen who rescued me from the evil grasp of my grandma's kitchen.
Apart from that dining torture, Penang was really aight.
During my escape, I indulged in steamboat! 18 bucks, Gawd i love penang food prices. It was awesome, and DID NOT taste like water. Stuffed myself silly that night.
Being the weirdos that we are, we went fishing one night. Started at bout midnight i think, and we stayed till sunrise. Fishing under the moonlight, priceless. First catch of the day: by me! Muahaha. I poured some beer on my bait, that explains it.That was just some of the shit we did, mainly everything involved food! Nothing, i repeat (Cheryl take note), Penang food beats Malacca's flat! Hands down. No debate.
Good food, solid beaches, clubs are nice, and wooo we have huge malls now, Queensbay was it? Didn't go there though. Ah yes, and CHEAP ass DVDs!!! 4 bucks per CD. I went on a rampage. If those anti-piracy chaps raided my luggage, I'd be in jail now. Oh shit, what if they're reading this!?
Uhm... No. Stop piracy! I bought those CDs then i threw them into the sea. I swear! Piracy = BAD...
I miss joo Penang! I keel joo damn maid!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
What is it with people who chew loudly? It's either that, or they speak while chewing... both make me lose my appetite and wanna smash that persons' mouth to pulp.
Don't they notice all the stares they receive as they happily make more noise than a construction goin on in the middle of Pudu?
See, the trick is, chew, swallow THEN speak.
Chewing, speaking and spitting is NOT the way.
It baffles me how they don't realise just how much noise they're making. Tell me, is simply because under some strange reason these people just cannot hear themselves chewing loudly? Or are they plain ignorant?
What is it!? Enlighten me please! Ohh and i know that you know at least one pest who does it. Do us all a favour, and just tell them off. They need to know.
You could also record it secretly, then tell them you have a sound clip of this nasty person chewing loudly. See if they get the hint then. If they're still clueless, say "THAT'S THE NOISE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH MORON! YOURS! YES, YOUR GAP HOLE!"
Oh, wait you know what would also be fun? Imitate them! Yeah, that's it. Take a bite, and start chewing loudly, and then start talking at the same time. Try to get some of that food on their face too, if possible. That oughta show 'em. Hah!
Don't they notice all the stares they receive as they happily make more noise than a construction goin on in the middle of Pudu?
See, the trick is, chew, swallow THEN speak.
Chewing, speaking and spitting is NOT the way.
It baffles me how they don't realise just how much noise they're making. Tell me, is simply because under some strange reason these people just cannot hear themselves chewing loudly? Or are they plain ignorant?
What is it!? Enlighten me please! Ohh and i know that you know at least one pest who does it. Do us all a favour, and just tell them off. They need to know.
You could also record it secretly, then tell them you have a sound clip of this nasty person chewing loudly. See if they get the hint then. If they're still clueless, say "THAT'S THE NOISE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH MORON! YOURS! YES, YOUR GAP HOLE!"
Oh, wait you know what would also be fun? Imitate them! Yeah, that's it. Take a bite, and start chewing loudly, and then start talking at the same time. Try to get some of that food on their face too, if possible. That oughta show 'em. Hah!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Was reading this month's Issue of Lime, when i came across something real interesting!
Weird fetishes!
1.) Emetophilia - arousal from puke or by puking
"Puke? For ME!? Awww, you shoudln't have!"
2.) Oculolintus - arousal by licking a partner's eyeball...
"Mmm! Tastes like chicken."
3.) Taphephilia - arousal from being buried alive
"How deep can you take me?"
4.) Formicophilia - the use of insects for sexual purposes
"Bloody OUCH!!!"
5.) Dendrophilia - sexual attraction to trees...
"If you're cutting down this tree, take me with it!"
Weird fetishes!
1.) Emetophilia - arousal from puke or by puking
"Puke? For ME!? Awww, you shoudln't have!"
2.) Oculolintus - arousal by licking a partner's eyeball...
"Mmm! Tastes like chicken."
3.) Taphephilia - arousal from being buried alive
"How deep can you take me?"
4.) Formicophilia - the use of insects for sexual purposes
"Bloody OUCH!!!"
5.) Dendrophilia - sexual attraction to trees...
"If you're cutting down this tree, take me with it!"
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Recently the not-so-good charlotte boys came down and spreaded their emo-ness in our country. I have a problem with bands like Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and uhm... all the God forsaken boy bands out there! West life, Backstreet Boys and well, y'all should know.
Let's go back in time first, to the days of Backstreet Boys... First was their annoying coordinated attire. If one's in white, oooh the rest of the posse gotta be in white too. What ever happened to individualism? Then they sing bout songs on "ever lasting love" that lasts forever. And these very same people who sang this song just happen to have the biggest history of break-ups. Then they make a comeback... and sing bout how they don't want that girl cause she wasn't loyal... Then they regret doing that and sing ANOTHER song saying how sorry they are, and how much they want you back. They grow a beard or goatee just to show that they've grown and matured, and in turn, realised their mistakes... If the song doesn't help bring back their girl, they turn gay.
"Aren't I perteh?"
Okay, here's something else that annoys me... their names... We have a dude from "5ive" who calls himself, Abs. Yeah... Name yourself after a bodypart.. And why even name your band based on the number of members you have? Is that just how much these blondes are capable of conjuring?
Manager: Okay guyss, we chose the five of you because you have blue eyes, cute faces, nice bodies and can't sing for nuts. Now, all we need is a name for your band.
Five: Duh.. ajdha? ajahujea? * stare at each other * One, two, th.. the. threee, four... five! FIVE! Ahauehauh! we name us five. five good number! we like! yes, we 5! woooot!!!
Manager: Mmkay... Now let's think of song titles.
Five: Duhh.. uhm we is scared of dark. Dark bad. We name song "When The Lights Go Out" tee hee! * they all dance in agreement * And uhhhh how bout.. uhhh... "Slam Dunk" because we got hit in teh head by a basketball when we is younger.
Manager? Da funk is that?
Five: Yes! Slam Dunk Da Funk! huaehauhea! Weeeeee! Let's get ice cream
Random bunny on 5ive
Backstreet boys were no different. Dressed the same... Sang emo songs. Some of em turned gay. BBS tried to discreetly reveal to fans that they were indeed gay with songs like "Get Down", "We've Got It Going On Dude" and the most obvious and obscene one, "I want it THAT way". Seemingly innocent songs at first, people later realised that these songs were actually attempts in increasing their male fan rates and hopefully get a bus of male fans visiting their "Boyz Crib". They got booed off stage and went missing for some time, and then came back with facial hair and hoped to be accepted by the community. Didn't work out so well. This lead to the song "Show me the meaning of being lonely". They even tried dressing up as fictional characters like Dracula and the Werewolf, but no one was fooled and they eventually broke off. Now they're "Crawling Back to You", so please, swat them away like the annoying bugs that they are.
After the breaking apart of Five and BBS, boy bands worldwide were on their guard. They had to come up with something new and quick! The result? Emo punk bands like Simple Plan and Good Charlotte.
These new species of boy bands were equipped with DIFFERENT sets of clothings to mislead people. And now they sang not about love, but about youth. Why? They're pedos that's why! Instead of gay males in buses heading over to their love shack, they now want teenagers. Fresh meat. So, the plan was in action.
Songs like "Hold On" is self explanatory. Instead of saving peoples' lives, suicide rates actually increased by 67.3% after the release of that song, worldwide, except in Jamaica. After that they came up with "I Just Wanna Live" in hopes of decreasing suicide rates, but failed to do so. These "punks" who try so hard to potray the image of tough-ass goths, could not take being made fun of and getting their girls stolen much longer so they came up with "Keep Your Hands off My Girl". They prayed that this song would scare off males, with lyrics such as "I got brass knuckles hanging from the neck in my chain"... Note, it's not actually ON their knuckles, so they lost their girls anyway. Their next single is rumoured to be "Give me my girl back! Please?"
We want our girls backl! * Cries *
Then we have Simple Plan, who despite looking old and haggard sing songs like "I'm Just A Kid". When critics criticised them for attempting to lure unsuspecting blonde kids into bed with them, they cried and then came up with a song as a comeback entitled "Shutup!". In court, they tried to gain pity by explaining themselves with the song "Addicted (to kids)". The last straw was when a 9 year old boy tried to copy their dressing style, and wore tight leather pants and his nuts exploded. He now speaks like a girl and can't enjoy the pleasures of life... like cycling or horse-back riding. They were sued, but not before releasing 2 other titles; "Me Against The World" and "God Must Hate Me". What they hoped was a "simple plan" turned out a failure. They can now be seen hanging out alot with MJ and George Michael at male strip bars and lurking outside of Primary Schools.
Still Not Getting Any. *Hint, Hint*
Fellow artists Kid Rock and Eminem also supports this anti-boy band post. They've even gone as far to add Anti-Boy Band lyrics in their songs.
Kid Rock says:
Yeah, I saw your band Jumpin around on stage like a bunch of wounded ducks When you gonna learn sucker? You just can't fuck with TWISTED BRBRBR BROWN BROWN TRuuuuuccckeeeeerrrrr
Amresh says: Thanks Kid Rock! Although we don't really get the brbrbr brown brown truckerrr part, we appreciate the first two lines.
Eminem says:
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups,
all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
Amresh says: Bzzt!
Face it, boy bands don't last, and for good reason. They're an insult to music in general. Boy bands are perteh looking boys who at first started off by tryin to drown everyone in sorrow and mushiness, then failed, broke up, turned gay, then emo pedo's and now the remaining ones are dying of testicular cancer.Whooopeee!
Amresh keels boy bands!
Let's go back in time first, to the days of Backstreet Boys... First was their annoying coordinated attire. If one's in white, oooh the rest of the posse gotta be in white too. What ever happened to individualism? Then they sing bout songs on "ever lasting love" that lasts forever. And these very same people who sang this song just happen to have the biggest history of break-ups. Then they make a comeback... and sing bout how they don't want that girl cause she wasn't loyal... Then they regret doing that and sing ANOTHER song saying how sorry they are, and how much they want you back. They grow a beard or goatee just to show that they've grown and matured, and in turn, realised their mistakes... If the song doesn't help bring back their girl, they turn gay.
"Aren't I perteh?"
Okay, here's something else that annoys me... their names... We have a dude from "5ive" who calls himself, Abs. Yeah... Name yourself after a bodypart.. And why even name your band based on the number of members you have? Is that just how much these blondes are capable of conjuring?
Manager: Okay guyss, we chose the five of you because you have blue eyes, cute faces, nice bodies and can't sing for nuts. Now, all we need is a name for your band.
Five: Duh.. ajdha? ajahujea? * stare at each other * One, two, th.. the. threee, four... five! FIVE! Ahauehauh! we name us five. five good number! we like! yes, we 5! woooot!!!
Manager: Mmkay... Now let's think of song titles.
Five: Duhh.. uhm we is scared of dark. Dark bad. We name song "When The Lights Go Out" tee hee! * they all dance in agreement * And uhhhh how bout.. uhhh... "Slam Dunk" because we got hit in teh head by a basketball when we is younger.
Manager? Da funk is that?
Five: Yes! Slam Dunk Da Funk! huaehauhea! Weeeeee! Let's get ice cream
Random bunny on 5ive
Backstreet boys were no different. Dressed the same... Sang emo songs. Some of em turned gay. BBS tried to discreetly reveal to fans that they were indeed gay with songs like "Get Down", "We've Got It Going On Dude" and the most obvious and obscene one, "I want it THAT way". Seemingly innocent songs at first, people later realised that these songs were actually attempts in increasing their male fan rates and hopefully get a bus of male fans visiting their "Boyz Crib". They got booed off stage and went missing for some time, and then came back with facial hair and hoped to be accepted by the community. Didn't work out so well. This lead to the song "Show me the meaning of being lonely". They even tried dressing up as fictional characters like Dracula and the Werewolf, but no one was fooled and they eventually broke off. Now they're "Crawling Back to You", so please, swat them away like the annoying bugs that they are.
After the breaking apart of Five and BBS, boy bands worldwide were on their guard. They had to come up with something new and quick! The result? Emo punk bands like Simple Plan and Good Charlotte.
These new species of boy bands were equipped with DIFFERENT sets of clothings to mislead people. And now they sang not about love, but about youth. Why? They're pedos that's why! Instead of gay males in buses heading over to their love shack, they now want teenagers. Fresh meat. So, the plan was in action.
Songs like "Hold On" is self explanatory. Instead of saving peoples' lives, suicide rates actually increased by 67.3% after the release of that song, worldwide, except in Jamaica. After that they came up with "I Just Wanna Live" in hopes of decreasing suicide rates, but failed to do so. These "punks" who try so hard to potray the image of tough-ass goths, could not take being made fun of and getting their girls stolen much longer so they came up with "Keep Your Hands off My Girl". They prayed that this song would scare off males, with lyrics such as "I got brass knuckles hanging from the neck in my chain"... Note, it's not actually ON their knuckles, so they lost their girls anyway. Their next single is rumoured to be "Give me my girl back! Please?"
We want our girls backl! * Cries *
Then we have Simple Plan, who despite looking old and haggard sing songs like "I'm Just A Kid". When critics criticised them for attempting to lure unsuspecting blonde kids into bed with them, they cried and then came up with a song as a comeback entitled "Shutup!". In court, they tried to gain pity by explaining themselves with the song "Addicted (to kids)". The last straw was when a 9 year old boy tried to copy their dressing style, and wore tight leather pants and his nuts exploded. He now speaks like a girl and can't enjoy the pleasures of life... like cycling or horse-back riding. They were sued, but not before releasing 2 other titles; "Me Against The World" and "God Must Hate Me". What they hoped was a "simple plan" turned out a failure. They can now be seen hanging out alot with MJ and George Michael at male strip bars and lurking outside of Primary Schools.
Still Not Getting Any. *Hint, Hint*
Fellow artists Kid Rock and Eminem also supports this anti-boy band post. They've even gone as far to add Anti-Boy Band lyrics in their songs.
Kid Rock says:
Yeah, I saw your band Jumpin around on stage like a bunch of wounded ducks When you gonna learn sucker? You just can't fuck with TWISTED BRBRBR BROWN BROWN TRuuuuuccckeeeeerrrrr
Amresh says: Thanks Kid Rock! Although we don't really get the brbrbr brown brown truckerrr part, we appreciate the first two lines.
Eminem says:
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups,
all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
Amresh says: Bzzt!
Face it, boy bands don't last, and for good reason. They're an insult to music in general. Boy bands are perteh looking boys who at first started off by tryin to drown everyone in sorrow and mushiness, then failed, broke up, turned gay, then emo pedo's and now the remaining ones are dying of testicular cancer.Whooopeee!
Amresh keels boy bands!
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