New Alarm System

The Fluffster was reading the news when he stumbled upon one that read:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

After a series of burglaries, owners of businesses in Split, Croatia, have put life-sized cutouts of the kung-fu action man in their windows.

An accompanying sign in each window reads, "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

There hasn't been a single burglary since. (NY Post)

This does NOT however give Humpathon readers the right to start commenting with lame-ass Chuck Norris jokes. We've heard em' all. Save it.

Elsewhere, random girl tells random Moose that she "Has just gotten her lil one circumsised"..

Random Moose says he always knew she had a penis..

Speaking of dicks...

A man who underwent penis-enlargement surgery in Russia came back to doctors a month later begging them to undo it because he was too big.

"He said no woman wants to be with him anymore," a doctor said. "If there was a surgery to enlarge brains, we would offer him a free trial." (NY Post)

And you guys wonder why I'm losing faith in humanity one moron at a time...