Another reason to drink

To all teh fellow Hump-addicts! Have a Humping X'mas and a Humping New Year!

Transporker 3

Oh good gawd, Transporker 3 is out! Big flippin doo-da deal. For those of you who haven't already spent 10 bucks on this worthless movie, I'd suggest you read this and let me spoil this "unpredictable" movie for you.
Okie, so Jason Stutterham is back once again to act as a male blonde (minus the hair) who sticks his head in things that he shouldn't and pays the price for it. Oh but wait, he's the main character, so no matter how fucked he may seem, he'll pull through.
Here's a real brief summary of the movie, cause honestly, it deserves no publicity whatsoever, and even dissing this movie is considered a waste of time by teh Humpster.
Jason who's known as Martin in Transporter, politely declines another delivery job, so this other jabronee grabs the chance to shine. Thing is, it was a set up, and he gets fudged over, and as a last resort, he heads to the one man whom he can trust, good ol' Martin. So, just like any casual friend would, he crashes his car into Martin's house and says Hi. They have some coffee, talk about the recent Humpathon post on the upcoming Batman movie, and just as the two males were about to hit it off, a problem arises. The substitute transporter has this bracelet thingy, and if he ventures more than 75 feet away from his car, he gets blown apart by some high-tech gadget thingy that I hope someday to possess and place it on every dog eating shithead out there.
Oh in the car, there's this BUTT UGLY freckled Russian hoe called Valentine, (played by Natalya Rudakova) who basically was the "parcel" being transported. Being the horny man that he is, Martin sees her and whips it out. But then she wakes up, and all his not-so-noble intentions had to be put on hold.
To put it short, Martin gets involved and while driving her around town, gets kidnapped by some thugs led by the only good actor in the movie, good ol' T-Bag himself, Robert Knepper, who plays Johnson. He places the same bracelet thingy on Martin, and asks him to make a delivery, as usual, no questions asked about the package. Martin the Mole soon digs his nose too deep in shit as usual, falls in love with the shit-sprinkled Valentine, and takes off his shirt for no apparent reason while fighting off the bad guys...
Yes, the same old "exciting" fight scene using his coat to spank the bad guys is repeated over.. and over and over again in Transporker 3. And they ripped off a car chase scene from Fast and Furious. When his car tilted sideways and squeezed through 2 trucks. What the Hell is with trucks suddenly appearing in car-chase scenes!??
So, let's recap... the fight scenes are lame. The "jokes"... even worse. The first scene, where Martin is fishing with his sugar daddy, and they crack up some pathetic jokes that are not worth mentioning here. Oh, and during the shooting scenes, despite the bad guys being trained professional killers, they can't seem to hit Martin eventhough they're in a car right behind him. Yep, not even one bullet hits him. And I thought Hindi movies made no sense..
You know what, let's not call this an "action" movie... It was more of a.. a.. Cooking Movie. Throughout the whole effing movie, that Russian beeyatch whines about how hungry she is, and how she wants "baby carrots, potatoes, lamb marinated with...." etc etc. So, there I was taking down her recipes, cause they sure as Hell sounded good. Heck, made me so hungry I had to leave the cinema to get a hotdog. I wasn't gonna miss much of the movie anyway? I already saw it all in the previous two movies.

Oh a word of advice to would-be car owners... GET A FRIGGIN AUDI!
My verdict based on this movie, is that Audi's are indestructable. You could push it into the Klang River and soak it up real good, bring it up to the surface and it'll still work fine.

My favourite bit was when the horny Russian gets turned on by Martin's strip-fighting, and when they're alone on a hill, she asks him to shake his stuff. He's all like "Gosh.. shucks. Me? Ah Hyuck".. Then he eventually strips (at which point I was spitting my hotdog out) and they get it on. No surprise there. So, they start shagging on the hill. And what's the next scene?
The head villain, Johnson, asks his thugs "What's his position?" (for you half-wits, he was referring to Martin's location)
I fuckin burst out laughing! "Doggy-style!!" I said out loud.

That was the ONLY good part, and hey, that was self-made. It was a pathetic movie, probably just as bad as Samuel L. Jackson's "Lakeside Terrace". The actress was fugly, Jason the StutteringHam was as bad as Keanu Reeves and the jokes were... not jokes. I wanna buy his coat though, it's way better than a gun, and I'm betting it's bulletproof. Why else didn't he get hit?

Rating: None
Best Bit: "What's his position?" Doggy-style!
Transporker 3 wishlist: Bracelet which goes Boom when you stray too far away from car, Coat which acts as a gun, sword and shield, and Car which is water-proof, bullet-proof... Not fool proof though as Martin proudly shows us.

Obituary List

There was too much hype on Dark Knight and Heath Ledger's role as the Joker. (Yes, it was good, but enough with the "Why so seriouss!?" already!)
Now, there was speculation that Johnny Depp would play the role of the Riddler in the next Batman movie. Are those bimbos I see jumping up and down and celebrating?
Too bad. Cause Eddie Murphy's set to play The Riddler. Hah! Oh, you're not celebrating now? Eddie's a brilliant comedian you ignorant twits... Who better to play the Riddler? Okay, Russel Peters would fit right in as well. In due time, he'll get his movie role, get criticized and lose a huge number of his fans. But heyy, that's a story for another post.
Moving on to more Batman roles... Rachel Weisz is believed to be in line for Catwoman (Halle Berry was a wayy hotter choice if you ask Teh Humper) and no surprise here, the boot-shining, ass kissing, dependant on other actors for fame, Shia LeBeouf will play Batman's pansy sidekick, Robin.

Place your bets on which one of these stars will get too "engrossed" in their character in turn, leading them to commit suicide, win umpteen Grammies and gain worship of groupies. * fingers crossed * "Shia, shia, shia...." Chant with me dammit!

Diarrhea

Now, that hoe Rihanna keeps coming up with songs that simply annoy the living crap outta me. The latest song which is played 12,387 times a day is Disturbia by the one and only huge-ass "foreheaded" Rihanna. To make her song sound a little more appealing, here's the Humper's own version of her song.

Diarrhea - by Fluffy Teh Humper

What's wrong with it?
Why does it feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas in the rear..
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing released
Can't even speak about it
Out my butt out my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab your butt
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the ass
It can control you
It's too close for comfort

Take off your undies and tights
We're in the toilet of wonder
Ain't gonna shit nice
Watch out, you might just soil yourself
Better poop twice
Your train of shit will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your ass is in diarrhea
It's like the poop is too light
Diarrhea
Is it scaring you tonight
Your ass is in diarrhea
Ain't used to what you like
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum
Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Shit splats on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' my undies
My fart sounds watery
I gotta it out
Or figure this shit out
It's too wet for comfort

It's a thief in the night
To come and grab your behind
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the ass
It can control you
My butt feels like a monster

Take off your undies and tights
We're in the toilet of wonder
Ain't gonna shit nice
Watch out, you might just soil yourself
Better poop twice
Your train of shit will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your ass is in diarrhea
It's like the poop is too light
Diarrhea
Is it scaring you tonight
Your ass is in diarrhea
Ain't used to what you like
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum
Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Damn bum be-dumb bum bum be-dumb bum

Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to remain tame
But I'm struggling and wiggling
If you can go,oh,oh,oh, uh ho
I think I'm going to oh, oh, oh

Take off your undies and tights
We're in the toilet of wonder
Ain't gonna shit nice
Watch out, you might just soil yourself
Better poop twice
Your train of shit will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your ass is in diarrhea
It's like the poop is too light
Diarrhea
Is it scaring you tonight
Your ass is in diarrhea
Ain't used to what you like
Diarrhea
Diarrhea

More reason why KFC's THE best

As you fellow Humpathon readers already know, KFC is THE way of life. Screw Ronald and his cult. Here's a recent news article on KFC which further proves why the land of Sanders is the place to be.
"Three women stood naked outside a Kentucky Fried Chicken store, calling on the fast food giant to improve its animal welfare standards.

Wearing nothing but Santa hats, the three "naked chicks'' held a banner for good taste which read: 'Make it a Merry Chickmas (Chickmas) and boycott KFC'. The three vegans, all aged in their 20s... " (source: news.com.au)

ENOUGH SAID!!! Which other fast food outlet has 3 hot chicks in their 20's standing naked outside of it for your viewing pleasure?

Yet another reason to love KFC. These aren't the ACTUAL pics on the article mentioned above, but they should give you a rough idea bout how naked chicks "protesting" against KFC look like. Don't thank me, Fluffy feels this is vital.



Look at that old man! (and well, any other guy you see in the pic...) See how happy they are? Now you don't get this kinda service at Mc D's dontcha?
I rest my case.

Read em' Gramps!

You know you're gettin too old when...

You go to this hair saloon that you've been visiting for 4 years, and they always provide you with FHM mags to read, but all of a sudden on your latest visit... They give you copies of The Off Edge and Expatriate magazine for your "reading pleasure"...

Of Caffeine and Spelling

At a recent visit to Oldtown Kopitiam, this was found on their order sh.. I mean order chit.


(click to enlarge) ... the picture! Don't get your hopes too high.

Farts in Heaven

Well whaddya know?! Fluffy's college life is officially over. (Unless you count the internship as part of college.. but there's no more studies, so there!)
Woot! More time to blog you say? Very unlikely. Internship starts next week. Flying fudge. That's a pickle in my Chocolate Sundae..

Anyhoo! Here is a parody of the song "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton, done by teh Humper himself. Unlike the original version,this one is about a father and his son, who had such a bond. They used to fart together all the time, in cinemas... on the dog's face while it's asleep... in the bath tub then laugh at the bubbles that appear... But one day, while trying to fart on the balcony at an unsuspecting crow, the boy fell to his death... This is the song by his father to him... * wipes tear *

Farts in Heaven - by Fluffy Teh Humper

Would you know my name
If I farted in heaven
Will it smell the same
If I farted in heaven
I must be strong, and fart for long
Cause I know my farts don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I farted in heaven
Would you help me breathe
If I farted in heaven
I'll find a way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't fart
Here in heaven

Farts can bring you down
Farts can bend your knee
Farts can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please (fart moreeee)

(instrumental farts)

Beyond the toilet door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Farts in heaven

Would you know my name
If I farted in heaven
Will it smell the same
If I let one rip in heaven
I must be strong, and fart for long
Cause I know my farts don't belong
Here in heaven

Cause I know my farts don't belong
Here in heaven...

The Death of Elmo

It brings me great pleasure to announce that in response to my post on how much I hate Elmo, readers from all over have joined my club. (For those of you who haven't read it, look for Murder Me Elmo under "Humped") Here is one video which I found. Brought a HUGE grin to my face.

Wasn't that just magical? :)

Fury

When watching movies in cinemas, one of the things I look forward to besides the movie, is the Malay translation of the movie title. For "Fury", the translation was Garang... and further below, were the words "Chocolate".. I was like "What the eff!? Is the movie bout some furious chocolate bar or smth?" I later did some reading and found out that was the alternative title of the movie. Why? I'm guessing cause the girl in the movie really likes chocs... No, seriously.Anyway Fury, a Thai movie about this young Thai+Jap girl who is acoustic... I mean autistic, and has the ability to mimic anything she sees on TV and in real life. (and is totally freaked out by flies. Yep, she screams and goes all beserk at the sight of a fly... Hey.. pretty much how I act at the sight of a centipede) Her mother (played by Ammara Siripong... hahaha! Imma Sirry bong.. No? okie..) was once a (hot) member of some Thai triad group, and her dad (played by Hiroshi Abe) is a Yakuza member. Cool parents, I'll say. So, the lil girl who's name is Zen (played by Yanin Vismitananda... damn Thai names take up so much space) with her ability to mimic martial arts moves, picks up a thing or two by watching topless, muscular men practice kick-boxing outside her home... Jeez. Kids these days! Oh, since the director of this movie also directed the kick-ass movies Ong Bak and Tom Yam Sedap, it's no surprise Zen also watched Ong Bak and learnt some moves from Tony Jaa.
Anyway back to the plot, Zen's mama, Zin... (Yep, not very creative with naming the characters eh?) got into big trouble for falling for a member of the Yakuza, so the Thai triad group she was with put out her torch, and she was voted off.
When they found out she was still keepin in touch with her Sushi-boy, Masashi.. through mail! Wow, that dude being Japanese, one would expect him to give her some high-tech non traceable, phone+camera+sushi maker gadget... But nah, they used snail mail, and the Thai triad members, who consist mostly of trannies who have guns and muscles... (No longer will I mess with transvestites behind the allies) found out and paid Zin a visit. They said hie, had some tea, chopped off her toe and left.. the usual routined Thai tea-time visit. Oh, and threatened to take more drastic action if she continues sending more letters to Masashi. As luck would have it for Zen, her mum was also suffering from some medical condition.. she was getting real sick, losing her hair, and all her appeal to me. Zen decides with her fat, male comrade, Moom to earn some money to help pay for her mum's medical bills. They go from place to place, and Zen sits on a chair, while people throw multiple balls at her and watch her catch it effortlessly. I was hoping a Malaysian dude would come up and throw a Durian at her. (Catch that bish!) but it never happened... Dammit!
Then one day, while Moom was digging through Zin's underwear drawer, he finds a book in which she keeps details of all the people who owe her money back from her gangstah days. He decides to approach them and ask for the payment with Zen, cause he's too fat and afraid to face them alone. So, he needs a girl.. A mentally unstable girl... Back to the story..
They go and see people, bash the shit out of them, and get teh money. It was really cool cause the girl did all the stunts herself! Plus, her grim and blank expression while fighting made the fight scenes all the better.
Soon, news comes to the Thai triad leader and his bunch of trannies.. I mean... sophisticated, intelligent, strong.... very strong women.. men.. people. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
Zen's mum finds out what has been going on, and calls.. no wait.. sends a mail to Masashi telling him on what's going on. If they were in Malaysia, Pos Laju would've probably got the letter delivered too late, and Zen, Zin and Moom would've already been chopped liver.Masashi get's all pissy, sends ONE of his boys down to Thailand... he manages to kill about 4 trannies and then the main tranny shoots him.
Masashi decides that he should go down there himself... So back in Thailand, Moom, while on the way to get some pork buns, gets shot by the drag queen. I mean.. ah fuck it. YES, drag queen! tranny! you bloody cross dressing fugly filthy speciment of the lowest form! There! Come and get meh!
Where was I!?
Zin tries to negotiate with the Thai triad gang to let the fat ass Moom go (he didn't get killed by the bullet cause he's a fat tub of lard) and meets up with the leader. Zen follows along, and soon, mother and daughter and thrashing the place and killing people. It soon became a family reunion when the dad also came, and opened a can of Yakuza-whoop ass on everyone.
The Thai triad leader pissed in his pants, and introduced his own secret weapon, his very own retarded son! He can't walk straight, keeps having seizures but he fights... so it was Zen vs. Retarded boy in Adidas jumpsuit. This was one funny part, cause Zen mimics how El-Tardo fights, and soon kicks his ass back to Barney land.


After ALOT of chasing, Zen finally catches the Triad leader, and bashes the living crap out of him. The chase part was real interesting, as they were jumping from one building to another, balancing on shop signs... and I stress, it was all real. I mean, sure they used strings and whatnot, but they did get injured. Heck, one guy even broke his neck during the filming of the movie. Yeah, when the movie finishes, sit back for a bit and watch the Behind the Scenes part. I was awestruck. Yanin, who played Zen, is one Hell of a tough ass girl. She has cuts, bruises, glass in her palms... Really impressive.
Anyway, she gets the leader, kills him, and starts crying with her daddy over Zin's death. It was an overall, pretty good movie, I'd say. The fight scenes, though nothing compared to Ong Bak, was quite entertaining. And the young actress is really talented. Would be good if they came up with a movie featuring her alongside Tony Jaa. The story idea was good, and in the beginning it was said the movie wanted to inspire autistic children. Aww.. They get my vote here!

Best Part: The scene in which Zen goes to this butchery and fights the mob there.

Rating: 7.5/10

Note: Dear Thai trannies with guns and six packs... I was joking about what I said earlier. I have a dog to feed... spare me.... Cookie?

Another lyrical mystery

I was recently listening to Bon Jovi's "I'll Be There For You"... and in the song he sings:

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you

Wait a minute... FIVE words? I always thought that "I'll" would count as two words. Doesn't it?
Bon Jovi would definitely flunk college man. He'd exceed the word limit without knowing it.

I'll be there for you
These SIX words I swear to you...

There, much better.

Bug Olympics

Congrats to China on their recent win on the Olympics. Yeh, that's over and done with. Now let's take a look at a sport from Japan instead. Called "Japanese Bug Fights" cleverly by these bored Japanese dudes, they take all the deadliest, toughest, freakiest bugs out there, put them together in glass box, and it's on!

Now, some may call it heartless, cruel... BUT I saw centipedes getting owned! So I don't care! IT'S AWESOME! Anything to do with centipedes dying is God's gift to me.

Here are a few videos that I watched.
The first one is of a centipede going against a scorpion.



Place your bets. Nah, screw it. I'll just tell you who won. The centipede unfortunately... but wait! In a rematch with the scorpion's brother, the centipede gets whooped. Ah, revenge is sweet.



Okay, the next match is between a beetle and a centipede. I THINK that the beetle is from Malaysia cause the Jap dude said something that sounds like "Marayseea".. I didn't even have to watch the video to know who'd win. The beetle has a tank like body, no way in hell does the pathetic centipede have a chance. Hah! No wait, "Hah"'s too short.... HAHAHAHAHAHA!



For some strange reason (yeah right) I viewed only the videos with centipedes in 'em. Guess, deep down inside, I really wanted to know just where do centipedes stand in the hierarchy of insects. In my previous post about centipedes, there was a video of a giant centipede eating a helpless poor mouse. So, when I came across a video of a centipede and a tarantula, I was overjoyed. Surely, the 8 legged freak would beat the living crap out of the... 10.. no, 15.. 30? 100 legged freak which is the centipede. I thought wrong...
Here's a clip of a tarantula... WEAK pansy ass tarantula getting killed. <-- Clickedy click. I was devastated! I always looked up to spiders... But heyyy... what's this? Another clip courtesy of our Japanese bug lovers. And this one you must... MUST watch.


Ah, did you see that? That spider was smart. Jumped up, then plunged down and sank its fangs into the helpless centipede which just cause I was sleeping, thought it could take advantage and bite me. Yeh, you met your match now huh!? HUH!!!?? I can't erase this huge grin off my face upon watching the video above.

To be fair, I'll post another video, but of a centipede winning. Yeah, it was a tough match... but the centipede pulled through. It faced one of nature's deadliest insects, and actually won.

Take a guess, what insect did the centipede go against?



Okay, if anyone of you answered manatee, do leave your name, address and phone number, for you deserve to be assassinated.

The actual answer is: WHO THE CENTIPEDE FACED
Isn't that just embarrassing? Of all the bugs to put it up against, they chose the fly's cousin. Might as well just put a ladybird there. That'd be a challenge now wouldn't it? Pfft!




You should check JapaneseBugFights out. I've yet to see any other "matches" besides those posted above. If you do stumble across any good fights, lemme knw!

Movie Reviews

Fluffy has recently watched these movies:

i. Eastern Promises
ii. Meet the Spartans
iii. Sweeney Todd
iv. American Gangster
v. P2



Eastern Promises

Viggo Mortensen a.k.a Mr Aragorn from LOTR a.k.a Mr Ugly Teeth acts in this movie along side Naomi Watts (King Kong)... (No, she didn't act as King Kong, she acted IN it..)
Okay anyway, this movie is about Naomi, a nurse who helps deliver this baby from an underage girl who dies after giving birth. Naomi then starts being a nosy nurse and reads the girl's diary and discovers some dark secret regarding the Russian mob. Apparently, the head of one of these Russian mobs raped her and abused her. Where does Viggo come in? Well, he's the driver of the mob leader's son, Kiril or something. He does his chauffeur like duties and helps Kiril dump dead bodies and the usual stuff drivers do. But little did Kiril or anyone watching the movie for the first time know, he's an undercover cop kinda guy. He's actually trying to capture those Vodka-loving, whore humping lot. In the end, he actually becomes the mob leader himself!

Memorable scene: Kiril talking on the phone to his Russian friend saying "The coast is clear" (meaning the cops have left) and the guy on the other line says "What coast? The beach?" Kiril then asks him to improve on his English. Hahaha! Also, the Russian whores were pretty hot.



Meet The Spartans

Why is it that each time a movie spoof comes out, Carmen Electra has to be in it? First Epic movie, now this. She's probably the only "actress" dumb enough to act in such movies, so well, the directors did a smart thing picking her. Back to the movie, I have to admit, as stupid as it was, it made me laugh. A lot. The movie is a spoof of 300 as you can probably already guess unless you're a complete blonde. Except, in this movie the Spartans greet each other by high-"fiving" the women and open mouthed tongue kisses for the men. That explains their gay "march" to battle while singing Cake's "I Will Survive". (which made me laugh real loud, mind you) Nearly all the scenes were similar to the actual movie... Yeah, they actually did a good job at that. For instance, the part Leonidas kicks the Persian messenger into the black pit, in the spoof, he also kicks Britney Spears, Sanjay from American Idol, K. Fed, Ryan Seacrest jumped in himself, and then there was Randy, Paula and Simon who were judging Leonidas's kick... Yep... And there was also a parody of America's Next Top Model; Sparta's Next Top Model. (for the MALE Spartans, not the gals) I was waiting for the fighting scenes eagerly, and when it finally came... It was a dance off between the Spartans and the Persians led by Method Man. Hahaha! Xerxes was none other than Borat's fat friend, Azamat. And by watching this movie, we now know that Spartans too enjoy a nice bottle of beer after killing a bunch of people. I'm sure we all can relate to that.

The only Spartan I want to meet

Memorable scenes: The Elders receiving facial products from Leonidas, the battle scenes between the Spartans and the Persian army and well that's all I can recall. Just watch the damn movie.



Sweeney Todd

There's no denying Johnny Depp's acting capabilities, and in this movie he proves it once again. Only, in a more annoying way - by singing. Now I'm sure every girl out there watched the movie to drool over him, instead of appreciating the movie. This was a remake of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1936!) Another version of the movie was entitled Bloodthirsty Butchers which came out in 1970. There, now I only added all that crap so you'd think this blog was educational... Back to the movie, it has left a dark affect on me, and now I'll always think twice before eating meat pies. The songs were annoying, the movie had a sense of dark humour to it, and the cinemas censored the throat-slicing scenes! Oh, Borat's in the movie too, well not Borat, Borat, but Sacha Baron Cohen. I personally think it would've been a better movie if weren't a musical. But either way, it's something worth watching if you appreciate musicals... and Johnny.

Memorable scene: Apply shaving cream, sing, SLICE!, dump.




American Gangster

Denzel Washington starts in this true story of Frank Lucas, a heroin king-pin from Harlem. He smuggled heroin from Vietnam into the U.S using army planes during the war. Pretty smart eh? The movie's about Frank Lucas who at first was a driver and right-hand for Ellsworth "Bumpy" Johnson, (a gangster in Harlem) then took over his place after his death. With the help of his cousin who's in the U.S Army, he smuggles pure heroin into the U.S, selling them at super cheap bargains which would put even Petaling Street to shame. He strikes it rich, and soon people start noticing this notorious driver turned gangster. The cops too take notice what with his association with high-level criminals and all his flashy bling. Soon, Russel Crowe who plays detective Richie, gets more evidence to prove Frank is indeed upto something fishy, finally catches him. Having no choice, Frank gives out names of his druggie homeboys to the cop and the sentence given to him was lessened thanks to his "help". Backstabber!

Memorable Scene: When Frank walks up to this guy and shoots him right in the middle of a crowded area then calmly walks back and has his breakfast at the diner he was at. Smooth!




P2

Now I had a hard time trying to figure out if this movie was a comedy or a thriller. The story is about this lady Angela Brides (Rachel Nichols), who at Christmas Eve leaves her office late. There you go, lesson one, at the eve of a public holiday, why the Hell do you wanna stay in and work? Anyway, finally after everyone has left, she decides to leave and heads to her car which is parked at (surprise, surprise) level P2. There, she discovers that her car isn't working, and she runs to the security guard, Thomas (Wes Bentley) for help. Little did she know, Thomas has been watching her over time and knows her schedule and pretty much everything about her. He's obsessed with her and soon a cat and mouse chase emerges between them. He also has a cute Rottweiler which kindly chases Angela around. Aww, it's playing catch. Now, this Thomas chap is a sick individual. He catches her, changes her into a nice dress, ties her up and then asks her to have dinner with him. The funny part is how he genuinely thinks she will fall in love with him. She stabs him with a fork, hits him yet he remains patient with her and says he only wants her to be happy and won't do anything to hurt her. Uh, way to go Thomas, kidnapping her obviously didn't hurt her in any way. He even goes as far to murder Angela's boss who tried to get jiggy with her in the lift while he was drunk. Touching. Throughout the movie, she tries to run away, he tries to catch her. The dog gets stabbed to death thanks to Angela that whore and as Karma would have it, being in a parking basement, her phone has no reception. Ahaha! Take that for killing the dog. Eventually she finds a spot with some reception, calls the cops, they come, they die, she kills him and then leaves.

Memorable Scenes: The part where Thomas kills Angela's boss. He ties him up to a chair, uses his car to push him towards a wall, reverses his car, then accelerates and smashes the boss. He repeats the process not once, not twice, but three times! Oh another scene would be the part where he was looking for Angela after he finds out she tried to call the cops. He says "Angela, why did you call the cops? Are you trying to get me fired? I don't think your salary alone would be enough to support us." Ahahahaha! The part where he dances to Elvis is cool too.

Well, that's it for now. Look forward to more music and movie reviews in my upcoming posts. Till then, don't stop humping.

Hush Mush

Oooo boy has it been a while... Been busy... sue me.. Anyhoo was listening to the radio that day and I heard this song.. It's by Craig David teh Homo if I'm not mistaken.. "Key to my Heart"..

You see you've got the key to my heart,
girl Unlock me and take all my feelings apart bla blaaa

Got me thinking...

This right here is a heart...
And this is a key..

My question is... Where does the key go?! In the pulmonary artery? Just what are you blabbing about Craig? What's your next song gonna be?

You see you've got the visitor's pass to my kidneyssss baby please don't go to Sydneyyyy...