Woah! Sanders... It's not what you think...

Dear Sanders,

Recently there has been much RUMOUR spreading around concerning a certain Fluffy's presence in the God forsaken hell-hole ruled by a PedoKing known better as Ronald McDonald.
I am here to clearly state that 'No! I did not...' Aw heck. Okay I DID go to MC D's... BUT it was a set up. They didn't tell me where we were heading. Next thing I know, my heart felt heavy, my palms started sweating... I could sense the evilness approaching. Then Dice said... "Hahaha! You're so dead tonight man!"....
I panicked... no worst! I was hysterical!!! How could they do this to me!? But it was happening... Everything was in slow-mo. I was dragged out of the car... Kicking, screaming, biting, clawing.. to no avail.
As my first foot stepped into the "Happy Meal Land"... it burned!!!! Oh, how it burned. They strapped me down onto the "Mc Chair" and asked me what I would have. I spat in their face and said "I'll have me a first class ticket outta here!"
But i was overpowered. I was forced to swallow this putrid cold creamy crap in which fellow MC D worshipers call "Mc Sundae". Then the one person who I thought understood me, gave me this weird smile. It was like she was possessed I tells ya! Cheryl said "Here baby... *hands over a fry to me* GASP!!! This wasn't happening, this isn't real... It was dammit!
I very reluctantly swallowed TWO Mc Fries... and half a MC Nugget... and consumed a whole Mc Choc Sundae...
It was the worst few hours of my life. Even watching Barney over and over again... Okay that would be just as bad. But you get my point!
I went back feeling ashamed.... raped. I was raped by the pedoking Ronald dickhead McDonald.
Soon, everywhere i went, i was greeted by strange smiles, welcoming me to their sick world of pedo-ness. I suffered a severe sore-throat because of what i consumed at that... that... place.
But I hereby declare that I, Fluffy The Humping Moose, am now recovering from the Psychological trauma I suffered. A few visits to the holy-land of KFC and my sins will be cleansed. I am going to go for a whole week without Snickers to make it up to Colonel Sanders the great. And mark my words.... The war is NOT over! Far from it...