Murder-Me Elmo

It's very likely that all of you have gone through the Sesame Street phase sometime during your childhood.
I remember the huge yella bird, Big Bird (got proof?), Snuffle wats-his-name (the tranny elephant), Count Dracula or smth,Kermit, and my personal fav, Cookie Monster! Mmmm cookies! Just a note, for those who are reading this, you have just willingly commited yourselves to buying me Famous Amos (no-nut) choc chip cookies.
Pass it to me by hand, or deliver it to my house.
Back to the muppets, yeah, I'm okay with them. Teaching us how to count, pronounce words, how to appreciate cookies... how to TICKLE A RED FURRY ANNOYING (and dear Lord, i DO mean ANNOYING!) PEDO THAT FEEDS ON MONEY FROM UNSUSPECTING PARENTS.

Elmo has unsuccesfully attempted to be more popular than his Sesame Street comrades. All that acting cute, being furry and having a gay ass voice... yeah, you'd think it would work. Behind all that innocent act, lies a cold hearted, still furry... ever wondered why Elmo's fur is red!?



"Can you tell me how to kill... how to kill those innocent kids?" sings Elmo

Just who IS buying all this Tickle-Me crap?? All Elmo wants is your childs' hands all over his furry red, blood soaked body as he satisfies his deprived needs. In your case, it could be your younger brother or sister. Bless their souls!
If you listen carefully to Elmo laughing, you can actually sense the palpable evil tone in it. Elmo is as unforgiving as ice-crusted ladder rungs.

Here's Elmo for you: Hahahaha Hehehehehe Hoahahahahehehehe DO IT AGAIN! Ahahahah HEhehehehehe DO IT AGAIN or else...! ahahahaha hehehehehehe hihihihihi KILL YOUR DOG ahahahahah hohohohohoho VIOLENCE IS GOOD hahahaha heheheheheh KILL, KILL, KILL hahahah heheeheheh CENTIPEDES ARE HEAVENLY CREATURES....

Here's a sweet song dedicated to Elmo:

Well you think you hate Elmo's World
It must be crazy
Can't stand a tickle me Elmo
I'm not so lazy

Oh and if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know

Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
Tell me who can you hit with your elbows
Get rid of Elmo

You know that it's just a muppet
That's really stupid
You think that Elmo's really plain suck
He wasn't wicked

So if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know

Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
So keep on hitting him with your Elbows
Get rid of Elmo

Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
Get rid
Yeah

Oh
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid

Get rid of Elmo

Yep, Elmo deserves to be decapitated, burnt, have his fur plucked out, dipped in acid, then hung on a tree, stretched till his joints come loose, then as he's screaming, take a blunt object and repeatedly hit his sorry excuse for a head. Bitchen!



Amresh to Elmo "I keel joo!"

Question: How can YOU make a difference and reduce the Elmo population?
Answer: The next time you visit Toys "R" Us, and you see the red head, take him to a corner and rip him into pieces. Then blame it on the doll's poor quality and suggest that the product shouldn't be distributed anymore.

This is the truth
La la la la
Elmo sucks
La la la la La la la la
Elmo sucks
He's over-marketed
And boring too--
Yes, Elmo sucks!

Pain Apples

Many things on God's Green Earth, even words can't describe. Food, for instance! Hmm, naw come to think of it, you actually can describe food.... shucks. I just wanted to sound smart..
Where was I? Ah yes, food. I'm a fooda-holic. I eat, and eat, and eat.... and eat more. One of my fav victims of my hunger is none other than Pizza! Be it Dominoes, Pizza Hutt or Canadian Pizza (didn't mention other branches for obvious reasons), Pizza is plain yummeh!That topping, with chunks of chicken, green pepper, onions... tomato paste.. okay, brb, imma grab smth to eat.

* back *

Ah yeah, so imagine biting into that slice of pizza. Sinking your teeth into it... enjoying the fusion of tastes that explode in your mouth... UNTIL A STUPID UNINVITED YELLOW SQUISHY THINGY jumps in too!
Yesh, this forsaken yellow fruit is none other than a stinkin pineapple!



You see, the pizza was fine without 'em. But some wise ass had to come up with what they call the "Aloha" Pizza... which simply refers to a pizza which is filled with nothing but pineapple. Boiled, squishy, sweet, sickly yellow pineapple... Let's be rational... why add pineapples? Pizza is fine without fruits making an appearance on top of it. What next? Peas on pizzas? Raisins? Eeew, omg the very thought of it.

Even Arnold agrees with me on this one. Arnold on pizza: "If you want something krazy like pineapple, I KILL YOU!"

So, the next time you're ordering pizza, tell the school-drop out dude on the line: "No pineapples please! Tak mau nanas!No pls!" And if he comes with a pizza with an EXTRA topping of pineapples, just throw it in his face.
Aloha Pizzas are not even really pizzas anyway. Pizzas are not made to have fruits laid on them!!!

Other valid reasons to despise pineapples:

1.) They are often used as capital punishment instruments. The guy sentenced on deathrow will be blindfolded, then left standing naked tied to a pole. The janitors will then all have 5 shots each at him using pineapples... Ouch.

2.) You wouldn't wanna eat Spongebob's house now, would you? WOULD YOU!?

3.) Pineapples are made up of Pine Trees and Apples... Save the trees! Don't eat pineapples.

4.) Do you find pineapple flavoured Shisha? No, you don't. Shuddup

5.) It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Pineapple.



Amresh to Pineapple: "I keel joo!"

I'm positive that with all the facts provided above, you will make the right choice and join the "Punch Pineapples Please Posse" or widely known as the 4P.
Call 1-800-Pineapples?-Phooey! or visit your nearest pizza outlet and empty the tray containing pineapples. (Instant membership for these people)

May the hatred for pineapples be with you.


The only thing that pineapples look good on