Gross Rider

well, can't say i'm surprised. I expected it to be lame, and lame it was. Maybe lame is too much of a compliment for this movie.
Ooooh, ghost rider! Nicholas Cage! Eva Mendes! Cool Bike! Marvel! bleh... all that hype for nothing.
Nicholas Cage sold his soul to this dude called Metamorphosizzle or smth and in return his dad got to live for one extra day. Aww.. Then Johnny Blaze (nicholas cage) had to be Metamorphosizzle's bitch for eternity. Anytime Mr M (his name is too long to keep being mentioned) felt threatened, he would call upon Gross Rider to help him.
There were 4 villains who i think even a drunk midget could've pawned. One was Mr. M's son, and the rest were dudes who were based on the elements. Air, Earth and Wind. Let's put it this way, they all died of boredom cause of Johnny Blaze a.k.a Gross Rider. He would walk towards them... point his skinny finger at 'em and say... "You! Got Milk?"
and they would all just perish.
No, but honestly, the lines were freaking tacky. "Look into my eyes... blah blah blah" And when Mr. M's son finally got the contract of souls thingy, he said "I am Legion! For i am many..." .... what...? Duhhhh....
The only highlight(s) of the movie was Eva Mendes...'s twins. Not her, she has that distracting mole. And ahh fine.. the graphics were good too. But with such lame lines, it screwed up the whole movie.
For those of you who haven't watched Gross Rider, don't bother. Save your money and watch Epic Movie instead which i heard was awesome. Seen it anyone?

I know where you crawled last summer...

Ever wondered what evil lay hidden beneath that rock in your garden...? Or what might just pop up through that drainage hole thingy in your toilet? Why not check what's under your bed too!? Or in your closet!? Scared aren't ya?! Huh!? Huh????

you know why!? Cause there just might be a frigging....
CENTIPEDE there!!!

Yes, these creatures with no purpose on Earth except to torment poor, innocent people like me, deserve to die!!! All of 'em.
They grow up to nearly 8 inches! And these creatures come in a variety of colours too.



Here we have the blue centipede




And here we have the red one










Centipedes have 'red heads' too

If some of you are going "Awww, look at the perteh colours..." Wait till you get a taste of its venomous bite.

I had the "pleasure" of getting bitten three times. Each in different spots.

1st "encounter" of the centipede kind - I was sleeping innocently in my new room in Seychelles... Not knowing what evil was awaiting me once i was on my way to the land of snickers and cameron diaz. I felt a sharp sting by the side of my head, i thought i had hit the side of the bed or somethin'... that is until i felt something slither pass my neck!

Startled, i jumped (in a macho way) outta bed, peered under the pillow and there it was... a big 6 1/2 inch centipede staring back at me triumphantly... I ran to the toolbox, took a hammer and smashed the living hell out of it. That marked the beginning of what would be an ever lasting war between me and centipedes... * dramatic music comes on *

Damage: Red eye (the venom travelled to my eye)

2nd encounter - I felt that i had shown the centipedes who's boss so i was brave enough to sleep again in my room. Nothing happened for a few weeks, but on one night... i got bitten again. This time on my hand. Grabbed my dad's shoe and whacked it to pulp.

Damage: Swollen hand

3rd encounter - I decided my room was no longer my sanctuary and instead it was a centipede breeding ground. Or a training field, where they tested their venom on me.. Either way, i migrated out of my room to the hall. Hah! I knew i'd be safe here...

That was a stupid thing to do. Despite pouring sulphur all around, my good ol' centipede buddy visited me again. I got bitten on my leg, causing me to walk with much difficulty. This one escaped...

WAR!!! Since then, there's been no rest for me. I have come up with several methods of making centipedes suffer in agony and slowly but painfully... die! Muahahaa!

How to kill...

There's the 'waxing' method, where i hit the centipede in the middle, making it unable to move. After that, i grab a candle, light it, and start pouring hot wax on it. Watch it squirm and slowly die...

Next is the acupuncture method. Get a few needles, and slowly jab it in the centipedes body. Watch it wiggle in pain. When satisfied, take a hammer and smash its head!

Inferno. Smash a centipede causing it to be immobilized, then chuck it in a tissue soaked in kerosene. Light it up and watch in delight as it slowly burns to crisp.

Prevention Method

Kill 'em while they're young!

If you see their eggs, smash it! But be careful as mama centipedes are very... VERY... VERY protective! And they can 'jump' too. They coil themselves into a "S" shape, then launch themselves at you. Be warned! (pregnant centipedes only)

A mama centipede being over protective of her eggs. Aww...

* SMASH *




Here's a clip of a centipede eating a mouse!


And there you have it. Reasons and proof why centipedes deserve to die! They're evil! As evil as animated cartoons, raisins, pineapples, green peas and black pepper.
YOU can make a difference! Call 1600 - i - hate - centipedes today and join our "Centipede Cruelty Club" today! Call now and you stand a chance to win a brand new... medieval mace to help make your centipede squashing a whole lot easier, and painful!


Your free gift awaits you!


Here's a song specially dedicated to centipedes all over the world.

I hate centipedes

Kill them when I please

Their sight is sickening to me

I hate centipedes

I loathe centipedes

Feel them in my sleep

Their legs ocillate when they're squeezed

Let's nuke the breed

If I were pope, I'd ask God

To please evict the arthropods

They're so freakin' odd to me

Please smash centipedes

Got nothin' 'gainst the silverfish

With roach's legs, I make a wish

But they don't nauseate my eyes

Quite like centipedes

Spiders earn my respect

'Coz they leave such glittery webs

But even spiders can't outscare

The centipede

In Ha Wa Yee they're quite immense

Those 10 inch 'pedes don't pay no rent

There's no permanent defense

'Gainst centipedes

In the Phillipines

They're quite lean and mean

I heard one killed a girl that screamed,

"Get offa me!"

Right in Pakistan

They're trained to bite on command

It's an insect taliban

Of terrorpedes

That's why

I hate centipedes

Would rather have a swarm of bees

Come pollinate my teeth

F --- all centipedes

Yeah!!!