Stinking of Japan

Oh yay. Got 4 free movie passes to watch the Sinking of Japan at CineLeisure.
For starters, it was a Japanese movie. So, reading the subtitles was a must. Fortunately I watch anime quite often, so Japanese didn't sound that weird.
It was a pretty... dead movie. Yeh, there were loads of dead bodies and all.. but I mean it was booring! And this movie probably gets the Grammy for ugliest cast ever. I think they specifically had an audition only for the fugly ones. Well, the lead actress was pretty aight.
In this "thriller", there just had to be a love story somewhere in between. Tucked in between all the fat and piles of dead bodies, two Japs fall in love. But mind you, the girl first told him she would never fall in love, because "i don't want to be sad again"... That's what she said. Talk about tacky lines... Anyway all her emo talk was pure bullshit, cause just as soon as the (fugly) dude grabs her and lays a wet smooch on her poor lips, she falls in love with him. Oh yeah, that's another thing, the Jap dude has such lame pick up lines omfg.. E.g: "You're cooler than a man"
Hey you readers might want to write this down. (IF there are gawd damn readers anyway) Awesome lines. And he expresses his "love", by constantly grabbing her, and always getting closer to knocking her over.
Sooo anyway, back to the movie. It's all about natural disasters happening in Japan, like the infamous Tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes... the usual stuff conjured up by good ol' Mother Nature. And the Prime Minister, Toko Yamishada (I just made that name up, i cant remember a single name from the movie... Convincing name though, huh?) says Japan has 330+ days before it sinks. Then while in his private jet, on his way to buy sushi, a volcanoe goes Kaboom and the poor sushi craving chap dies. (Again, i made the sushi part up) So, some other dude takes over, and lies to the Japs saying the sinking will only take place in 5 years. Or something like that...
But all lies come undone, and Japan continues to suffer. Some people get evacuated to US and China (HAHAHA! China!? Yep, Japs and Chinks were always the bestest of friends weren't they?)
People die, bla bla bla. I know what question is on your mind. Where da heck is Ultraman when you need him!?
Now the part of the movie that ticks me off the most is when they show Colonel Sanders... lying on the ground. Dead! Noooooo!!! Why Sanders!? Why not Ronald McDonald!? I'll tell you why... you guys never believed me... Ronald is the devil himself! Russel and I kept on telling you people, but noooo....
Okay as Japs are freakishly famous for porn, when the two love birds were together in a tent, we expected a lil some some. You know, getting jiggy with it. Bonking? Ah, you get the picture. ANYWAY, they stared at each other for eternity, and after the long wait, he says... "I can't do it" and she says "But.. why not!?"... and the audience goes "Why the hell not!?"
He says cause he ate too much Sushi so he has E.D and after seeing poor old Sanders, he just lost the urge to deflower a pretty young Jap like her. (I should direct movies)
Yeah, so some scientist dude who has a wife who's a fossil, but acts like a yound diva, saves the day. He puts some thingamajig into this other thingamajig which was under the sea, and half of Japan went kabooom, and so Japan is now half its size. (Yep, many things in Japan comes in small sizes) And everyone is happy and then its the credits.

That's Sinking of Japan for you.
Rating: Zzzz