My fellow Humplings, I must express my sincerest apologies (or "a thousand apologies" in that thick Indian accent from Mind Your Language.. whichever wins you over) for my absence.
There was a valid reason for this though.
I was recently offered this 2 week part-time job thingy at "this optical lens company" which cannot be named for stupid reasons, and since I had nothing better to do besides filling myself up with alcohol, I took it. Plus, the pay was a reasonable sum of RM 70 per day.
Now, what I had to do was call up all the Optical outlets such as England Optical, Optical 88 bla bla bla, introduce myself, and tell them that I'm conducting a customer satisfaction survey.
After each sentence I read out, they would have to give it a rating of 1-5; 1 being extremely unsatisfied and... ah, you get it. But trust me, the people I called, simply could not follow this "complicated" rating system.
Now, the first thing I asked my supervisor prior to accepting the job was, "Are you sure they will be able to comprehend the survey script?" She was like "Oh, of coursseee! They can, they can." I wasn't convinced, but utter boredom got the best of me and I took the job.
I don't drive, so to get to that blinking office, I have to take not one, not two, but three flipping buses. As if that wasn't tiring enough... the people that I called... were complete dumb fucks. Yes, the next time you go to one of those outlets, either;
a.) Point at him and yell "Douche!" (They won't get it, trust me)
b.) Throw eggs at them OR
c.) Go in and put on your most fake English accent and ask them questions using "bombastic" words such as... "satisfaction"..
My target at the end of ten days, was to call 120 outlets. Sounds simple enough, I thought to myself. Each call was "supposedly" to only last for 15 minutes max... In an hour, I could easily finish 4, and if I were a lil' lazy, even 3 calls would be sufficient.
Guess I learnt otherwise... My first call took 18 minutes.
Me: "Hello, I'm calling from _________ and I'm CONDUCTING a customer SATISFACTION survey to help improve our services. The survey will take less than 15 mins. Would you like to PARTICIPATE in it now?"
(the words in bold, struck fear in the hearts of the workers in the outlet and are possibly the longest words they have ever had thrown at them.)
Dumb fuck client: "Uhhh... sur... sir... service ah?"
Me: "No, it's a survey. It's a set of sentences actually, then all you need to do is rate it after I'm done reading it out to you"
D.F Client: "You wan do the servings ah? You how on ah, I caww my supervisor"....
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That was one example. Then you have the morons who, after listening to such "scary" English words, use the excuse of having customers to deal with, and then hang up.
Others, pass the phone around till I get fed up and just move on to the next... pathetic optical outlet worker. Yes, I now have added them to the list of my Hate List. Congrats, and for these people, I can... and already have taken action.
The people who were particularly rude, were pleasantly put on my prank-call victim list.
Now, being one who says it as it is, sarcastic and all... Imagine how hard it was for me to resist the urge to lash out at their idiocy and utter lack of intelligence. Well, I did (if anyone from the company is reading this... i MAY have) and it felt good as Hell.
The best part was, after the second day, I couldn't take it any longer, so I told my supervisor I wanted to quit. She had no one else to rely on, (probably cause everyone else is smarter than I am, they knew better than to accept the job)... so we came to an agreement. I would work from home, make the calls using i-Talk, then claim the expenditure back.. Hey, that sounded a LOT more easier. I woke up when I wanted to (Once again, if there is anyone from that company reading it.. I actually didn't. I just want to sound cool to my readers.. Cough.), I went out, and reduced the call time from 18 fucking minutes to.. 3 minutes. Yes, I am indeed a miracle worker. I first had to rephrase, and re-rephrase the sentences, explain each line, repeat it 2 or 3 times.. but I soon developed a method, using the simplest words, and that saved a lot of time.
Imagine, some idiots found it hard to remember the rating scheme.... How hard is it to remember 1 is extremely unsatisfied, and 5 (any retard could guess.. but not these ones) simply means (once again... for emphasis... D'OH!) extremely satisfied! God damn people!
Well, just my luck. I think the 10 days stressed the fuck out of me, and as soon as the horror was over... I felt ill. And not just any common sickness... I had measles. Whoop-dee-doo!
One week I was quarantined at home, with sore throat, flu, joint aches, fever, tearing eyes... No appetite too. And for those of you who haven't seen me, I CANNOT afford to NOT have an appetite.
SO, that eventually came to an end after one week. I had the Sunburst Concert to look forward to. Korn frigging nailed it! To see them upfront, in real life... to look under Jonathan Davis's kilt (Ok, maybe not that part)... Woah, such an amazing feeling. They played most of my favourite songs too! Blind, Here to Stay, Right Now, Freak on a Leash, Coming Undone...
My hard-rock concert and mosh pit virginity was finally taken away from me. Yesh, mosh pit.
I must say, I've never been a fan of the local music scene, but Estranged is one Hell of a good band! Then there were the Indonesian bands too, like Nidji and Agrikulture.
Agrikulture's lead singer reminded me so much of Dave Grohl. He was up on stage, in his boxers, humping the stage light, climbing up a 10 feet railing and singing. Talk about entertainment!
I might upload some videos and stuff later on, cause as of now, I'm bloody lazy.
Well, that's just an update of why I've been missing. Good to be back, and free of phone calls and Measles.
Cheers!
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