5 Jokes You Should Stop Using and Annoying Facebook Syndromes

It's time for some enlightenment with Teh Moose. As if plagiarized jokes being verbally thrown around isn't bad enough, you get them doing it at such a frequent rate, repeating them over, and over... and over again... We've all heard of em. I'm gonna do society a favor and list down some "expired" jokes that you should refrain from using. Ever...

NO. 1

"Your mother so fat, when she jump for joy... she got stuck" - Russel Peters...

Yes, yes. It was funny the first 1382714987123 times, but just like my aging grandma, it's getting old. Is that the only "yo mama" joke you can produce? Heck, you ain't even 'producing' it, you're just spitting out what you heard from Russel's stand up, probably after watching it for a few hundred times, memorizing and rehearsing all his jokes just so you can use it when:

i.) you're at the next family function while trying to divert the topic of your drinking habits brought up by your overly concerned aunt

ii.) you're on an outing with those nerds you call friends who snicker at every burp and think shoving straws up their noses is the funniest thing since the Bush administration

iii.) you're out with a hot chick and the awkward silence creeps in and she starts noticing the scribbles on your palms that read "Things not to do when on a date. You're a stallion! You're getting lucky tonight playahhh! Condom - check."

In fact, here's a suggestion - refrain from ANY Russel Peters jokes please. (note: This only applies to Malaysians, 'cause other stand up comedians produce jokes that they can't comprehend and thus, they don't regurgitate it repeatedly)


NO. 2

"My Engrand very the powderful" - I don't know who came up with this, but I'd love to meet him/her so I can shove my boot wayyyyy up his/her ass.

Just what kinda retarded shit is this? In no way whatsoever is this the slightest bit "clever" or should I say "crever"/"witty"... In fact, it's pure bullshit, just like how Twilight is full of crap. Yet you get these people going on and on about this. Adding "the" where it doesn't belong only makes you sound stupid, not funny. Adding a "R" where a "L" should be, can be funny at times, but not if you yourself speak like that. No, seriously. Powderful? What the fuck?! Seriously, this shit has been abused more times than Rihanna.

Haa...Haa...

NO. 3

Any "Singh" jokes.

Yes, back in the 80's, jokes like "What do you call a Punjabi who's good in fighting?... Box Singh (boxing)! heeeheahahahehaeh" might have worked, but seriously, on behalf of all Punjabis, I plead to you, cut it out. We have knives...

NO. 4

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" jokes...

Look, honestly... it could be cause' Colonel Sanders was chasing him, he had issues with the government, he saw Susan Boyle, Justin Bieber was trying to dry hump the chicken... anything... I wanna live in a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned. Plus, I don't wanna listen to that joke anymore. And I feel pigs are way more awesome. From now on, it's gonna be "Why did the pig cross the road?"

NO. 5

"Don't pray pray" - Phua Chu Kang

He pulls it off cause he has a huge mole, funky yellow contractor boots, curly hair and cause he's Gurmit Singh. You're a desperate nobody who lacks originality. Stop using this.

And while we're on the topic of things that must stop. Here are some 'Sickening Facebook Syndromes'...

This is an example of an acceptable picture

The "Snap a Picture with My Pet and Await 'Awws' syndrome

Unless you're doing it genuinely, then it's fine. I mean, there are animal lovers out there, then there are attention whores. If you happen to be the latter, you can go choke on a donkey's left nut. And just for emphasis, that's left nut. Stick with the program.

The "Fuck My Life. I'm Fat and Nobody Loves Me" Syndrome

Yes, we know your self-esteem is as low as a hunching midget and how you're a social reject... Begging for attention however, may only work for some blondes - the very same people who consider 'Avatar' the best possible man-made movie ever in the history of mankind, but otherwise, all you're doing is making yourself look like a bigger (pun intended), needy loser.

Another exception to the rule

The "Wannabe Outlaw" Syndrome

Oh, look! A no smoking sign! I'm gonna go light up a cigarette, stand in front of it, put on a "gangstah-i-don't abide-by-the-law" face and ask someone to snap a picture of me so I can post it up on some social networking site. i.e: Facebook. How 'bout you step up to an electric fence, hold a light-bulb in one hand and lean on the fence with the other and say "Baked Cheese!"? Now that I'd "like."

The "Duckface" Syndrome

Pouting... Does. Not. Make. You. Look. Cute/Adorable/Hot/Sexy/Attractive in any God forsaken way. Why do you people do this? Can't just just smile? Or mouth the words "Cock Sucker" instead? Watching you quacks (puns ftw!) put on that weird pout makes us throw up inside our mouths. If you wanna look slutty, put on a schoolgirl outfit.

p.s: If you do own a slutty schoolgirl outfit, please call me.

If you do this, you need to stop. Or break something

The "Unique-Attention-Whore" Syndrome

In hopes of appearing as 'creative' and 'different', attention whores now resort to mid-air shots, somersaults and other freeze-frame pictures to help them gain attention and "likes" and comments that usually go something like "Omg babez! That's such an awesome shot! Were you flying?" by the females, while men usually go "Lolz. Nice shot (while thinking to themselves, dayumm this girl's flexible. Maybe I should shower her with more compliments and pray I get lucky), I have a DSLR too. We should go out sometime and take more pics. ;] ) A picture of someone falling face first into a pile of mud on the other hand, IS funny and "like" worthy.

As of now, these are all I can think of, but rest assured, I'll be updating this list as soon as I encounter more expired jokes and things not to do on Facebook. So as usual, since I take pride in believing that real people actually visit and read my blog posts... with that being said, should you think any additions should be made to this list, go ahead and post 'em in the comments section.