Teh Movie Quiz

Here's a quiz in movies for a change! See if you can spot the 50 hidden movie titles in this picture.

The person who guesses the most movie titles correctly wins a small boost in self-esteem and one week's worth of diarrhea related suffering brought to you by the new Prosperity Burger from Mc Donalds.

Surely, we'll miss him!

Yes, we will, but don’t call him Shirley!

Remember the long, sad list of awfully talented people who passed away in 2010? No, not Bieber. I said ‘talented’. What’s wrong with you!? And she’s still alive... I think. Bummer... Anyway, the mourning continues and this time, adding to the list of pure talents who have left us to the big stage above is funnyman, Leslie Nielsen who passed away on 28th November 2010, at the age of 84 due to pneumonia. Teh Moose flips the finger to pneumonia! And Jersey Shore and raisins too, while I'm at it.

A tragic loss indeed especially since movies like Airplane, Naked Gun, Repossessed, Dracula: Dead and Loving It and the short-lived series Police Squad holds a special place in the hearts and funny bones of many. To pay tribute to this much-loved king of deadpan one-liners, Teh Moose presents to you some of his most memorable movie quotes.

Rest in Peace, you awesome man

NOTE: You’ll need to memorise at least one of these and share it with your spouse, parents, cousins, grandma, pets (unless you have a pet duck, they don’t really get his jokes) or Herald, the guitar-wielding Hobo who lives down your street. Do it!


NIELSENISMS


Quotes from Airplane!

Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. 

Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?


Quotes from Police Squad!

Dutch Gunderson: Who are you and how did you get in here?
Frank: I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. 

Frank: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then

Frank: Is there a ransom note?
Ed: Yes, the butler found it; it was tied to this window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lab; they're demanding one million dollars.
Frank: Why would the lab demand a million dollars?


Quotes from the Naked Gun movies:

Frank: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane: He's Caucasian.
Ed: Caucasian?
Jane: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Frank: Awfully big moustache.

Frank: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!

Frank: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Frank: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.

Frank: I'm single! I love being single! I haven't had this much sex since I was a Boy Scout leader!
[Music stops playing. Everyone stops talking and stares at him]
Frank: [to everybody] I mean at the time I was dating a lot.


Oh, and not everyone is aware that prior to his ruling of the comedy kingdom, Leslie Nielsen was a pretty big dramatic actor back in the 60’s, with leading roles in TV shows like The Virginian, Bonanza and he also starred in movies like Forbidden Planet and The Poseidon Adventure. Talk about talent!

I Still Hate Ronald

Are you seeing this? What kind of McFuckery is this?! One does not, ever, everrrr associate the Pedo King Ronald McDuhhnald with a Moose

My hatred for Ronald will never subside

Centipedes vs Millipedes

By now, I was hoping everyone would already have their Crush-Teh-Centipede Kit at hand, constantly on the lookout for slithering, million-legged terrorpedes crawling out of drains, sinks and on certain instances, out of Queen Latifah's fat ass. But noo... Some people may have the kit, they may have the hatred... and don't get me wrong - that brings me insanely great joy. Almost like the day when either my step-father or Justin Bieber dies. So, anyway. After smacking the "centipedes" to glory, or simply taking pictures of centipedes to torment me with captions like "Look Moosey! It's your friend XD" or "Want these in your pants? No? Then gimme all your bacon!" (which is a real cruel threat by the way), they show me... millipedes.

Look, millipedes are MILESSSS apart from centipedes. No where near. It's like the North Pole and South Pole. Like Samuel L Jackson and Prince. Like Susan Boyle and Kim Kardashian... They don't even deserve to be compared! I'm not saying this in a sense, that I'm insulted or... actually, for some strange reason, supporting those creatures from Hell. God, no. That would be insane. I just want people to know the damn differences, so that more centipedes can be killed, and innocent millipede lives can be saved. With that being said, I'm gonna list down some notable similarities and differences between the two. So the next time anyone comes up to you, and says 'Meh, centipedes and millipedes. Tomatos, tomatoes. Pussy, vagina. Tis all the same dude.' You should react this way...

I'll tell you why. Let's start with the similarities...

CENTIPEDES AND MILLIPEDES - a case study

The Similarities

• They both have "pede" in their names. And just so you know, 'pede' is the French slang for 'pedo'. Don't look that up... Either way, it reflects on how much they suck.
• They're both related to Uncle George from the lobsters, crayfish and shrimp family
• They both enjoy moist areas like your ass, and/or places with high humidity... like your ass 
• They have both died in the hands of Teh Moose. What!? That damn millipede walked in my path, damn it. He was asking for it

So much for similarities... Now for what sets them apart. (And why you should hate centipedes more)

The Differences

• One is a sick, demented, twisted... Okay, this is getting too personal. Centipedes are part of a class known as Chilopoda, (which is NOT Mexican for Broccoli Fucker) while Millipedes are part of the Diplopoda class.
• Millipedes poop in fear or coil like a bunch of pansies when provoked. Centipedes leap on you and inject you with venom.

Mummy, look! Is a chocolate ball!

Ooo, look at me! I'm all coiled up. Maybe the evil humans will leave me alone now. *PROD*

• Centipedes move fast. And I mean... fast. One second you're chasing them with a hammer, you get distracted by your neighbour's hot daughter, Natalie, and POOF! They're gone. Millipedes on the other hand... You could be chasing em with a

  

  Imma take you on, Usain Bolt

  slipper, get distracted by Natalie, watch her take a shower, watch her notice you peeping, but instead of screaming, she smiles and invites you in. She goes down on you, she says she's been watching you ever since you moved into Dolphin Court in Seychelles, you guys have sex, then you get hungry, so you order some Island Fried Chicken (real famous in Seychelles), watch some Tupac video clips, kiss her goodbye, remember that slipper and that millipede you were chasing... and still find it in that same spot... Or maybe it moved to the wall. Either way... *SPLAT* Or not. They're harmless, let 'em be. 
• Centipedes have less legs as compared to millipedes. For the centipedes, they have like one pair of legs per body segment, while millipedes have two for each segment. (cept the front three segments - those have a pair each)
• Centipedes BITE! HARD! Some bites can even prove fatal. Millipedes probably let off a stench that smells like Aunt Martha's cooking, and pray you get so terrified that you flee. Hoping that they could head to the pub after and brag to their other Millipede mates on how they warded off an annoying human. Don't go rubbing your eyes after touching Millipedes though. That smelly goo they let off has toxins, and could possibly be harmful to your eyes and in severe cases, you might grow a third nipple.
• Centipedes have long ass antennae (so they can track their prey, a.k.a you and I, better). Millipedes have short ones, possibly because they're related to the Japanese.
• Female centipedes are HIGHLY defensive/protective over their eggs, and they WILL friggin' coil into an "S" shape and jump straight at you when provoked. Millipedes will say "Fuck that! Let's just make new babies" and abandon their eggs when threatened.
• Centipedes have documentaries, movies and sex positions made after or about them. Millipedes appear in documentaries and movies by mistake.
• Millipedes get owned by little assassin bug nymphs (ectrichodia crux). Centipedes are able to eat snakes.

Not to be confused for a teenage millipede with acne problems

The fuck's wrong with this guy? 

Here's the VIDEO

• THEY LOOK FUCKING DIFFERENT YOU SHIT-HEADS!

There, now that's settled. Any time any of you go hiking, jungle trekking or whatnot and stumble upon a CENTIPEDE, KILL IT! Refer to my previous centipede-related post on methods of killing them HERE!

Fat World

ORIGINAL SONG: 'Mad World - Gary Jules' (if you've not heard this before, you... a.) suck and b.) should do so NOW, before proceeding with the parody) Done? Good. Now, sing along with these lyrics instead:
PARODY: 'Fat World' by Teh Moose

All around me are chubby faces
Worn out dresses, worn out faces
Fat and lazy for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their milkshakes are filling up their glasses
Extra whipcream, extra whipcream
Hide my head I wanna gorge my eyes out
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find you kind of chubby, I find you kind of fat
The dreams in which you're dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, You're the cause of earthquakes
When people run in circles its because of the...
Fat world, fat world

Children waiting for the day they lose weight
Keep on dreaming, Keep on dreaming
But I feel that every child should eventualy get laid
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and you were very nervous
No one knew you, no one liked you
Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?
Must be phys ed, Must be phys ed

And I find you kind of chubby, I find you kind of fat
The dreams in which you're dying are the best I've ever had
I find you really smelly, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its because it's a
Fat world, Fat world, enlarging your world
Fat world