Miss Cel-lu-li-tee

Now, if there's one thing that disgusts me more than the songs they play on radio... okay, I can't just name one thing. We're all pretty familiar with the long list of things that annoy and disgust me by now. But one of 'em would be people who are, erm, how do I put this nicely... fat and decide to put their flabs on display. What? Oh, you're not fat? You're big boned? The image (and logic) below seems to indicate otherwise, but sure, if that tickles your pickle. Ah crap. You're hungry now upon reading "pickle", aren't you? 

Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against people who are fat/obese/overweight. Nothing at all, but I can't help but feel repulsed by those who are fat, yet dress up in the most revealing outfits. "You asshole! I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'll wear what I please you skinny, twig-for-arms motherfucker!" Yeah, but it makes EVERYONE else UN-comfortable and besides, how comfy can it be having fat jiggling around like a wind chime? Then when guys look, whaddya know? It's +10 to self-esteem! 

Look out for my Twerk video coming soon!

But that's not my point, I couldn't care less what makes them feel better, whether it's an entire tub of ice-cream drowned in chocolate sauce, marshmallows, bacon, rabbits and cornflakes or only posting pics of themselves, neck up. Cool down on the super, short shorts will ya? Unlike you guys, some of us are skinny and can't afford to lose our appetites. Yes, I am talkin' about fat people dressing up in outfits 7 times smaller their size then stomping around malls, clubs and whatnot proudly parading their cellulite.

Megan, you can wear short shorts anytime. 

And as with all the things I hate, this too, has now given me inspiration to rant. Heck, fuck it, I'll even go to the extent of writing a song. 

ORIGINAL SONG: 'Dy-Na-Mi-Tee' by Miss Dynamite
PARODY: 'Cel-Lu-Li-Tee' by Teh Moose

Yo I'm not the same little girl that grew up next door to you

Went through all the things a teenage girl goes through

Eatin' out all night breakin my curfew

When my daddy locked the fridge I gave my mumma the blues

Use 2 spend my time blazin' lazin' days away

Knew I was fat left home at 15 didn't want to obey

Had 2 get my act together couldn't take the heat

Ah, who am I kiddin'? Let's go fuckin' eat

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

I stay eatin' up ur cereals everybody gotta still feed me though

I'm just Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

Hear me chompin' on da radio

Now feel my carbs, u get me though

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

See me bouncin' in da video

And I come to eat some more

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

Everybody loose control

Let my lips touch your bowl

I remember all the house parties that took place

Bein' in my bed upstairs and I would be stuffin' my face

And my cousins and my brothers we'd sit up all night

Listenin' to my family vibin', eating till the mornin' light

Remember my first years of school I was so innocent

I just wanted to fuckin' eat I never been so content

But the more that I ate I found my pants growing tight

Fuck that, gimme another Sprite,

Cause I be

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

I stay eatin' up ur Oreo

Everybody gotta hear me though

I'm just Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

Hear me munchin' on da radio

Now feel my belly grow, u get me though

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

See me bouncin' in da video

And I come to eat at the show

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

Everybody loose control

Gimme whatever's in that bowl

At 13 I thought I was in love with this guy

Then I realised that all I ever needed was just some pie

Remember eatin' the class clown I was just a disruptive fool

And the beatin' I got first time suspended from school

Remember Sunday School and after go to granmas for lunch

Macaroni, rice and peas, chicken and pineapple punch

Never loved sharing with my mum brother sister and me

Cause' the food was never enough to let me grow

to be

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

My legs' jiggle like Jell-O

Everybody can hear me walkin' through

I'm just Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

Yeh I'm fat but I reveal it all yo

Now deal widdit and pass me the dough

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

See me bouncin' around in a video

And I'd even eat that fuckin' crow

I'm Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee

I can't help but loose control

Now come here while I try to eat ur soul

I'm just Ms. Cel-lu-li-tee