Woah! Sanders... It's not what you think...

Dear Sanders,

Recently there has been much RUMOUR spreading around concerning a certain Fluffy's presence in the God forsaken hell-hole ruled by a PedoKing known better as Ronald McDonald.
I am here to clearly state that 'No! I did not...' Aw heck. Okay I DID go to MC D's... BUT it was a set up. They didn't tell me where we were heading. Next thing I know, my heart felt heavy, my palms started sweating... I could sense the evilness approaching. Then Dice said... "Hahaha! You're so dead tonight man!"....
I panicked... no worst! I was hysterical!!! How could they do this to me!? But it was happening... Everything was in slow-mo. I was dragged out of the car... Kicking, screaming, biting, clawing.. to no avail.
As my first foot stepped into the "Happy Meal Land"... it burned!!!! Oh, how it burned. They strapped me down onto the "Mc Chair" and asked me what I would have. I spat in their face and said "I'll have me a first class ticket outta here!"
But i was overpowered. I was forced to swallow this putrid cold creamy crap in which fellow MC D worshipers call "Mc Sundae". Then the one person who I thought understood me, gave me this weird smile. It was like she was possessed I tells ya! Cheryl said "Here baby... *hands over a fry to me* GASP!!! This wasn't happening, this isn't real... It was dammit!
I very reluctantly swallowed TWO Mc Fries... and half a MC Nugget... and consumed a whole Mc Choc Sundae...
It was the worst few hours of my life. Even watching Barney over and over again... Okay that would be just as bad. But you get my point!
I went back feeling ashamed.... raped. I was raped by the pedoking Ronald dickhead McDonald.
Soon, everywhere i went, i was greeted by strange smiles, welcoming me to their sick world of pedo-ness. I suffered a severe sore-throat because of what i consumed at that... that... place.
But I hereby declare that I, Fluffy The Humping Moose, am now recovering from the Psychological trauma I suffered. A few visits to the holy-land of KFC and my sins will be cleansed. I am going to go for a whole week without Snickers to make it up to Colonel Sanders the great. And mark my words.... The war is NOT over! Far from it...

Wart is this!?

Tues, 31 July, 2007, Puchong:- Loyal non-existent Humpathon readers may have been wondering upon Fluffy's sudden disappearance from the blogging world. The cause was just recently revealed by Fluffy himself during an interview session today. The reason was none other than an evil wart which decided to take residence beneath Fluffy's dead toe. Fluffy firmly believes that that toe is indeed cursed and has probably been a bad, bad toe in its past life.
"It brings me great pleasure to announce that my wart, will be falling off very very soon. I had it since my trip back to Penang, and i blame it on my Grandma's cooking. Due to this wretched wart, I have not been able to resume my blogging sessions. Yes, if you must know, I type with my toes. For those of you who haven't found out yet, I, Fluffy, have a dead toe. And under this very same dead toe, grew a wart. It caused me much pain and psychological trauma which I can only refer to as 'Psychological Rape' over the past month. However, thanks to Duofilm, the wart is now making its departure," said Fluffy earlier today.





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For those of you who are interested in purchasing Fluffy's soon-to-be-fallen wart, place your reservations today! Call 1800-I want Fluffy's Wart or e-mail us at humpingwart@wartsthathump.com
Payment can be done by credit card or massive amounts of Famous Amos cookies.

The Three Shittiest Songs (July)

Yes, yes, tis the month of July. College has begun for the "juniors". I still got 3 weeks worth of hols! hah! Aw who am i kiddin? I'll be in college most of the time anyway...
Anyhoo, back to the purpose of this post.
I hereby announce the top 3 most annoying songs of this month!

* drum roll *

- NUMBER THREE -

Song: Makes Me Wonder
Artist: Maroon 5
Bottom line: With a faggoty name like Adam Levine, how can you NOT expect their songs to sound gay? Makes me wonder makes ME wonder why would they even come up with a song like this one!? It's being played over and over again on the radio, and my advice would to change teh Gawd damn station IMMEDIATELY upon hearing it.
Verdict: Gay ppl listen to Maroon 5.

Gay on Maroon 5: "A few months ago I bought the CD wishing to hear “Harder to Breathe with the Penis in my mouth”, but when I arrived at the fourth track, “HE will be loved”, I couldn’t breathe and started jumping up and down a godzillion times because of excitement and who could forget their single “Makes Me Wonder (If I Am Gay")!?? Ever since that faithful moment, not a day has gone by in which I have not listened and shivered each time I hear Maroon 5. So, needless to say, I strongly recommend their CDs with all my heart (and any other part of my body). Thank you Maroon 5! You rock!"

- NUMBER TWO -

Song: Umbrella
Artist: Rihanna
Bottom line: umbrella ella ella eh eh eh!!!! OMFG!!! Upon hearing this song, i bet people wished they were deaf or wished for Rihanna's sudden and mysterious death and departure from the music scene. It's incredibly annoying and God, it gets stuck in everyone's head and makes everyone say "let me die please"
Verdict: Ella ella ella eh eh eh... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH


- NUMBER ONE - and the most annoying song of July goes to....

Song: Girlfriend
Artist: Avril Lavigne (Note: The resemblance of this GIRL'S name to the lead singer of Maroon 5)
Bottom line: From a punk rocker SK8RGRL yadaa yadaa chick to a typical dumb stereotypical blonde bimbo. Avril sure has gone a long way. With this song's "deep" lyrical content... she must feel so proud. I mean... lyrics like:

Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend! No way No way! I think you need a new one Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend... etc etc

Would you look at the depth and meaningfulness of that song!? Brilliant!
And now just for you fans out there, they even have a Japanese version! Woooot!!!





Amresh to Avril, Adam and Rihanna: (yes, say it along with me now...) I KEEL JOO!!!

"Hey! Who Moved My Bong?!"

Original Song: 4 Non Blondes - "Hey!What's Going On?"
Parody: Syncronos - "Hey!Who Moved My Bong!?"

25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get off that great
big hill of dope
for an occupation

I realized quickly when I'm really pissed
that the cops are all saying that cannabis is banned
...or whatever that means

And so I try sometimes
when my eyes are all red,
just to get it all out what's in my head
then I...
I am feeling a little peculiar
And when I wake in the morning and my brain is fried
and I take deep breath, but I don't get high
then I scream from the top of my lungs
"Who moved my bong!?"

and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?

Oh, oooh...
Oh, oooh...

and I buy, man oh man do I buy
I buy all the time
For my favorite stoners
and I pay, man oh man do I
pay
I pay every single day
for the damn freeloaders!
And so I try sometimes
when my eyes are all red,
just to get it all out what's in my head
then I...
I am feeling a little peculiar
And when I wake in the morning and my brain is fried
and I take deep breath, but I don't get high
then I scream from the top of my lungs
"Who moved my bong!?"


and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?
and I say hey... hey...
I say hey, Who moved my bong?!
and I say hey... hey...
I said hey, Who moved my bong!?

Oh, oooh, oooh...
25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get off that great
big hill of dope...
wait, I can't remember...

Penang Darul Gagak

Wa wa we wa! Been months since i last went back to my hometown. Was lookin forward to this trip (minus the missing Cheryl part). Meet up with old friends, good ol' Penang food, erm... okay that's pretty much all i had to look forward to in Penang. OHH!! No, wait wait... How could i forget.. my cousin's maid's cooking. Or was it grandma's... See, grandma thought the maid how to cook, and sometimes she cooks too.. either way... it's just nastehhh!
I was back in Penang for 2 weeks. Here's a preview of what fine selection of food the maid/grandma had prepared for me.


Day One:
Name: Dhal v 1.0
Description: Yellow thick thingy which just has chilis in it and water.
Taste: Drink boiled water with chilis and yellow colouring. Tastes freakishly same.
Rating: 1/5




Day Two:
Name: Vegetable Curry
Description: Some carrots, potatoes and spices, curry powder and lots and lots of water.
Taste: Curry powder + water... with chunks of carrot to chew on.
Rating: 0.3/5




Day Three:
Name: Dhal v 2.0
Description: Refer to Dhal v 1.0. This just has more potatoes and spices.
Taste: Unfortunately, this one has slightly less water content thus, it doesn't taste too much like drinking water.
Rating: 1.8/5




Day Four:
Name: What da heck is this!? Wait lemme take a closer look... Ah okay. Fish Curry
Description: Watery curry with ladies fingers, fish, potatoes and more water.
Taste: Like an aquarium with ladies fingers in it
Rating: -3.7/5




Day Five:
Name: Veggie Curry...
Description: Lots and lots of unique water taste complemented with carrots, potatoes and ladies fingers. Yummeh!
Taste: D'uh!
Rating: 0.1/5




Day Six:
Name: You should know by now... Dhal returns.
Description: Yellow, slimy looking thingy with curry leaves floating around.
Taste: WATER! TASTES LIKE WATER DAMMIT!
Rating: How bout you kiss my skinny butt/5





Day Seven:
Name: Yadaa Yadaa Curry
Description: Curry, with potatoes and some veggie I'm not familiar with. Drumsticks!? Iono..
Taste: Surprise! Like water with a sprinkle of some curry powder and a Veggie that tastes worst than it looks.
Rating: None/5



Ah, there you have it. Pleasant dining memories at my cousin's house courtesy of that damn maid! No surprise I tried as hard as i could to stray away from my cousin's house during lunch/dinner hours. Heck, i even chose to walk all the way to the shops to get some REAL penang food. Thank God for Jun Yew, Clement and Jensen who rescued me from the evil grasp of my grandma's kitchen.

Apart from that dining torture, Penang was really aight.

During my escape, I indulged in steamboat! 18 bucks, Gawd i love penang food prices. It was awesome, and DID NOT taste like water. Stuffed myself silly that night.






Being the weirdos that we are, we went fishing one night. Started at bout midnight i think, and we stayed till sunrise. Fishing under the moonlight, priceless. First catch of the day: by me! Muahaha. I poured some beer on my bait, that explains it.





That was just some of the shit we did, mainly everything involved food! Nothing, i repeat (Cheryl take note), Penang food beats Malacca's flat! Hands down. No debate.
Good food, solid beaches, clubs are nice, and wooo we have huge malls now, Queensbay was it? Didn't go there though. Ah yes, and CHEAP ass DVDs!!! 4 bucks per CD. I went on a rampage. If those anti-piracy chaps raided my luggage, I'd be in jail now. Oh shit, what if they're reading this!?
Uhm... No. Stop piracy! I bought those CDs then i threw them into the sea. I swear! Piracy = BAD...

I miss joo Penang! I keel joo damn maid!