What is it with people who chew loudly? It's either that, or they speak while chewing... both make me lose my appetite and wanna smash that persons' mouth to pulp.
Don't they notice all the stares they receive as they happily make more noise than a construction goin on in the middle of Pudu?
See, the trick is, chew, swallow THEN speak.
Chewing, speaking and spitting is NOT the way.
It baffles me how they don't realise just how much noise they're making. Tell me, is simply because under some strange reason these people just cannot hear themselves chewing loudly? Or are they plain ignorant?
What is it!? Enlighten me please! Ohh and i know that you know at least one pest who does it. Do us all a favour, and just tell them off. They need to know.
You could also record it secretly, then tell them you have a sound clip of this nasty person chewing loudly. See if they get the hint then. If they're still clueless, say "THAT'S THE NOISE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH MORON! YOURS! YES, YOUR GAP HOLE!"
Oh, wait you know what would also be fun? Imitate them! Yeah, that's it. Take a bite, and start chewing loudly, and then start talking at the same time. Try to get some of that food on their face too, if possible. That oughta show 'em. Hah!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Was reading this month's Issue of Lime, when i came across something real interesting!
Weird fetishes!
1.) Emetophilia - arousal from puke or by puking
"Puke? For ME!? Awww, you shoudln't have!"
2.) Oculolintus - arousal by licking a partner's eyeball...
"Mmm! Tastes like chicken."
3.) Taphephilia - arousal from being buried alive
"How deep can you take me?"
4.) Formicophilia - the use of insects for sexual purposes
"Bloody OUCH!!!"
5.) Dendrophilia - sexual attraction to trees...
"If you're cutting down this tree, take me with it!"
Weird fetishes!
1.) Emetophilia - arousal from puke or by puking
"Puke? For ME!? Awww, you shoudln't have!"
2.) Oculolintus - arousal by licking a partner's eyeball...
"Mmm! Tastes like chicken."
3.) Taphephilia - arousal from being buried alive
"How deep can you take me?"
4.) Formicophilia - the use of insects for sexual purposes
"Bloody OUCH!!!"
5.) Dendrophilia - sexual attraction to trees...
"If you're cutting down this tree, take me with it!"
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Recently the not-so-good charlotte boys came down and spreaded their emo-ness in our country. I have a problem with bands like Simple Plan, Good Charlotte and uhm... all the God forsaken boy bands out there! West life, Backstreet Boys and well, y'all should know.
Let's go back in time first, to the days of Backstreet Boys... First was their annoying coordinated attire. If one's in white, oooh the rest of the posse gotta be in white too. What ever happened to individualism? Then they sing bout songs on "ever lasting love" that lasts forever. And these very same people who sang this song just happen to have the biggest history of break-ups. Then they make a comeback... and sing bout how they don't want that girl cause she wasn't loyal... Then they regret doing that and sing ANOTHER song saying how sorry they are, and how much they want you back. They grow a beard or goatee just to show that they've grown and matured, and in turn, realised their mistakes... If the song doesn't help bring back their girl, they turn gay.
"Aren't I perteh?"
Okay, here's something else that annoys me... their names... We have a dude from "5ive" who calls himself, Abs. Yeah... Name yourself after a bodypart.. And why even name your band based on the number of members you have? Is that just how much these blondes are capable of conjuring?
Manager: Okay guyss, we chose the five of you because you have blue eyes, cute faces, nice bodies and can't sing for nuts. Now, all we need is a name for your band.
Five: Duh.. ajdha? ajahujea? * stare at each other * One, two, th.. the. threee, four... five! FIVE! Ahauehauh! we name us five. five good number! we like! yes, we 5! woooot!!!
Manager: Mmkay... Now let's think of song titles.
Five: Duhh.. uhm we is scared of dark. Dark bad. We name song "When The Lights Go Out" tee hee! * they all dance in agreement * And uhhhh how bout.. uhhh... "Slam Dunk" because we got hit in teh head by a basketball when we is younger.
Manager? Da funk is that?
Five: Yes! Slam Dunk Da Funk! huaehauhea! Weeeeee! Let's get ice cream
Random bunny on 5ive
Backstreet boys were no different. Dressed the same... Sang emo songs. Some of em turned gay. BBS tried to discreetly reveal to fans that they were indeed gay with songs like "Get Down", "We've Got It Going On Dude" and the most obvious and obscene one, "I want it THAT way". Seemingly innocent songs at first, people later realised that these songs were actually attempts in increasing their male fan rates and hopefully get a bus of male fans visiting their "Boyz Crib". They got booed off stage and went missing for some time, and then came back with facial hair and hoped to be accepted by the community. Didn't work out so well. This lead to the song "Show me the meaning of being lonely". They even tried dressing up as fictional characters like Dracula and the Werewolf, but no one was fooled and they eventually broke off. Now they're "Crawling Back to You", so please, swat them away like the annoying bugs that they are.
After the breaking apart of Five and BBS, boy bands worldwide were on their guard. They had to come up with something new and quick! The result? Emo punk bands like Simple Plan and Good Charlotte.
These new species of boy bands were equipped with DIFFERENT sets of clothings to mislead people. And now they sang not about love, but about youth. Why? They're pedos that's why! Instead of gay males in buses heading over to their love shack, they now want teenagers. Fresh meat. So, the plan was in action.
Songs like "Hold On" is self explanatory. Instead of saving peoples' lives, suicide rates actually increased by 67.3% after the release of that song, worldwide, except in Jamaica. After that they came up with "I Just Wanna Live" in hopes of decreasing suicide rates, but failed to do so. These "punks" who try so hard to potray the image of tough-ass goths, could not take being made fun of and getting their girls stolen much longer so they came up with "Keep Your Hands off My Girl". They prayed that this song would scare off males, with lyrics such as "I got brass knuckles hanging from the neck in my chain"... Note, it's not actually ON their knuckles, so they lost their girls anyway. Their next single is rumoured to be "Give me my girl back! Please?"
We want our girls backl! * Cries *
Then we have Simple Plan, who despite looking old and haggard sing songs like "I'm Just A Kid". When critics criticised them for attempting to lure unsuspecting blonde kids into bed with them, they cried and then came up with a song as a comeback entitled "Shutup!". In court, they tried to gain pity by explaining themselves with the song "Addicted (to kids)". The last straw was when a 9 year old boy tried to copy their dressing style, and wore tight leather pants and his nuts exploded. He now speaks like a girl and can't enjoy the pleasures of life... like cycling or horse-back riding. They were sued, but not before releasing 2 other titles; "Me Against The World" and "God Must Hate Me". What they hoped was a "simple plan" turned out a failure. They can now be seen hanging out alot with MJ and George Michael at male strip bars and lurking outside of Primary Schools.
Still Not Getting Any. *Hint, Hint*
Fellow artists Kid Rock and Eminem also supports this anti-boy band post. They've even gone as far to add Anti-Boy Band lyrics in their songs.
Kid Rock says:
Yeah, I saw your band Jumpin around on stage like a bunch of wounded ducks When you gonna learn sucker? You just can't fuck with TWISTED BRBRBR BROWN BROWN TRuuuuuccckeeeeerrrrr
Amresh says: Thanks Kid Rock! Although we don't really get the brbrbr brown brown truckerrr part, we appreciate the first two lines.
Eminem says:
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups,
all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
Amresh says: Bzzt!
Face it, boy bands don't last, and for good reason. They're an insult to music in general. Boy bands are perteh looking boys who at first started off by tryin to drown everyone in sorrow and mushiness, then failed, broke up, turned gay, then emo pedo's and now the remaining ones are dying of testicular cancer.Whooopeee!
Amresh keels boy bands!
Let's go back in time first, to the days of Backstreet Boys... First was their annoying coordinated attire. If one's in white, oooh the rest of the posse gotta be in white too. What ever happened to individualism? Then they sing bout songs on "ever lasting love" that lasts forever. And these very same people who sang this song just happen to have the biggest history of break-ups. Then they make a comeback... and sing bout how they don't want that girl cause she wasn't loyal... Then they regret doing that and sing ANOTHER song saying how sorry they are, and how much they want you back. They grow a beard or goatee just to show that they've grown and matured, and in turn, realised their mistakes... If the song doesn't help bring back their girl, they turn gay.
"Aren't I perteh?"
Okay, here's something else that annoys me... their names... We have a dude from "5ive" who calls himself, Abs. Yeah... Name yourself after a bodypart.. And why even name your band based on the number of members you have? Is that just how much these blondes are capable of conjuring?
Manager: Okay guyss, we chose the five of you because you have blue eyes, cute faces, nice bodies and can't sing for nuts. Now, all we need is a name for your band.
Five: Duh.. ajdha? ajahujea? * stare at each other * One, two, th.. the. threee, four... five! FIVE! Ahauehauh! we name us five. five good number! we like! yes, we 5! woooot!!!
Manager: Mmkay... Now let's think of song titles.
Five: Duhh.. uhm we is scared of dark. Dark bad. We name song "When The Lights Go Out" tee hee! * they all dance in agreement * And uhhhh how bout.. uhhh... "Slam Dunk" because we got hit in teh head by a basketball when we is younger.
Manager? Da funk is that?
Five: Yes! Slam Dunk Da Funk! huaehauhea! Weeeeee! Let's get ice cream
Random bunny on 5ive
Backstreet boys were no different. Dressed the same... Sang emo songs. Some of em turned gay. BBS tried to discreetly reveal to fans that they were indeed gay with songs like "Get Down", "We've Got It Going On Dude" and the most obvious and obscene one, "I want it THAT way". Seemingly innocent songs at first, people later realised that these songs were actually attempts in increasing their male fan rates and hopefully get a bus of male fans visiting their "Boyz Crib". They got booed off stage and went missing for some time, and then came back with facial hair and hoped to be accepted by the community. Didn't work out so well. This lead to the song "Show me the meaning of being lonely". They even tried dressing up as fictional characters like Dracula and the Werewolf, but no one was fooled and they eventually broke off. Now they're "Crawling Back to You", so please, swat them away like the annoying bugs that they are.
After the breaking apart of Five and BBS, boy bands worldwide were on their guard. They had to come up with something new and quick! The result? Emo punk bands like Simple Plan and Good Charlotte.
These new species of boy bands were equipped with DIFFERENT sets of clothings to mislead people. And now they sang not about love, but about youth. Why? They're pedos that's why! Instead of gay males in buses heading over to their love shack, they now want teenagers. Fresh meat. So, the plan was in action.
Songs like "Hold On" is self explanatory. Instead of saving peoples' lives, suicide rates actually increased by 67.3% after the release of that song, worldwide, except in Jamaica. After that they came up with "I Just Wanna Live" in hopes of decreasing suicide rates, but failed to do so. These "punks" who try so hard to potray the image of tough-ass goths, could not take being made fun of and getting their girls stolen much longer so they came up with "Keep Your Hands off My Girl". They prayed that this song would scare off males, with lyrics such as "I got brass knuckles hanging from the neck in my chain"... Note, it's not actually ON their knuckles, so they lost their girls anyway. Their next single is rumoured to be "Give me my girl back! Please?"
We want our girls backl! * Cries *
Then we have Simple Plan, who despite looking old and haggard sing songs like "I'm Just A Kid". When critics criticised them for attempting to lure unsuspecting blonde kids into bed with them, they cried and then came up with a song as a comeback entitled "Shutup!". In court, they tried to gain pity by explaining themselves with the song "Addicted (to kids)". The last straw was when a 9 year old boy tried to copy their dressing style, and wore tight leather pants and his nuts exploded. He now speaks like a girl and can't enjoy the pleasures of life... like cycling or horse-back riding. They were sued, but not before releasing 2 other titles; "Me Against The World" and "God Must Hate Me". What they hoped was a "simple plan" turned out a failure. They can now be seen hanging out alot with MJ and George Michael at male strip bars and lurking outside of Primary Schools.
Still Not Getting Any. *Hint, Hint*
Fellow artists Kid Rock and Eminem also supports this anti-boy band post. They've even gone as far to add Anti-Boy Band lyrics in their songs.
Kid Rock says:
Yeah, I saw your band Jumpin around on stage like a bunch of wounded ducks When you gonna learn sucker? You just can't fuck with TWISTED BRBRBR BROWN BROWN TRuuuuuccckeeeeerrrrr
Amresh says: Thanks Kid Rock! Although we don't really get the brbrbr brown brown truckerrr part, we appreciate the first two lines.
Eminem says:
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups,
all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you [*bzzzt*]
Amresh says: Bzzt!
Face it, boy bands don't last, and for good reason. They're an insult to music in general. Boy bands are perteh looking boys who at first started off by tryin to drown everyone in sorrow and mushiness, then failed, broke up, turned gay, then emo pedo's and now the remaining ones are dying of testicular cancer.Whooopeee!
Amresh keels boy bands!
Monday, April 23, 2007
It's very likely that all of you have gone through the Sesame Street phase sometime during your childhood.
I remember the huge yella bird, Big Bird (got proof?), Snuffle wats-his-name (the tranny elephant), Count Dracula or smth,Kermit, and my personal fav, Cookie Monster! Mmmm cookies! Just a note, for those who are reading this, you have just willingly commited yourselves to buying me Famous Amos (no-nut) choc chip cookies.
Pass it to me by hand, or deliver it to my house.
Back to the muppets, yeah, I'm okay with them. Teaching us how to count, pronounce words, how to appreciate cookies... how to TICKLE A RED FURRY ANNOYING (and dear Lord, i DO mean ANNOYING!) PEDO THAT FEEDS ON MONEY FROM UNSUSPECTING PARENTS.
Elmo has unsuccesfully attempted to be more popular than his Sesame Street comrades. All that acting cute, being furry and having a gay ass voice... yeah, you'd think it would work. Behind all that innocent act, lies a cold hearted, still furry... ever wondered why Elmo's fur is red!?
"Can you tell me how to kill... how to kill those innocent kids?" sings Elmo
Just who IS buying all this Tickle-Me crap?? All Elmo wants is your childs' hands all over his furry red, blood soaked body as he satisfies his deprived needs. In your case, it could be your younger brother or sister. Bless their souls!
If you listen carefully to Elmo laughing, you can actually sense the palpable evil tone in it. Elmo is as unforgiving as ice-crusted ladder rungs.
Here's Elmo for you: Hahahaha Hehehehehe Hoahahahahehehehe DO IT AGAIN! Ahahahah HEhehehehehe DO IT AGAIN or else...! ahahahaha hehehehehehe hihihihihi KILL YOUR DOG ahahahahah hohohohohoho VIOLENCE IS GOOD hahahaha heheheheheh KILL, KILL, KILL hahahah heheeheheh CENTIPEDES ARE HEAVENLY CREATURES....
Here's a sweet song dedicated to Elmo:
Well you think you hate Elmo's World
It must be crazy
Can't stand a tickle me Elmo
I'm not so lazy
Oh and if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know
Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
Tell me who can you hit with your elbows
Get rid of Elmo
You know that it's just a muppet
That's really stupid
You think that Elmo's really plain suck
He wasn't wicked
So if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know
Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
So keep on hitting him with your Elbows
Get rid of Elmo
Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
Get rid
Yeah
Oh
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid of Elmo
Yep, Elmo deserves to be decapitated, burnt, have his fur plucked out, dipped in acid, then hung on a tree, stretched till his joints come loose, then as he's screaming, take a blunt object and repeatedly hit his sorry excuse for a head. Bitchen!
Amresh to Elmo "I keel joo!"
Question: How can YOU make a difference and reduce the Elmo population?
Answer: The next time you visit Toys "R" Us, and you see the red head, take him to a corner and rip him into pieces. Then blame it on the doll's poor quality and suggest that the product shouldn't be distributed anymore.
This is the truth
La la la la
Elmo sucks
La la la la La la la la
Elmo sucks
He's over-marketed
And boring too--
Yes, Elmo sucks!
I remember the huge yella bird, Big Bird (got proof?), Snuffle wats-his-name (the tranny elephant), Count Dracula or smth,Kermit, and my personal fav, Cookie Monster! Mmmm cookies! Just a note, for those who are reading this, you have just willingly commited yourselves to buying me Famous Amos (no-nut) choc chip cookies.
Pass it to me by hand, or deliver it to my house.
Back to the muppets, yeah, I'm okay with them. Teaching us how to count, pronounce words, how to appreciate cookies... how to TICKLE A RED FURRY ANNOYING (and dear Lord, i DO mean ANNOYING!) PEDO THAT FEEDS ON MONEY FROM UNSUSPECTING PARENTS.
Elmo has unsuccesfully attempted to be more popular than his Sesame Street comrades. All that acting cute, being furry and having a gay ass voice... yeah, you'd think it would work. Behind all that innocent act, lies a cold hearted, still furry... ever wondered why Elmo's fur is red!?
"Can you tell me how to kill... how to kill those innocent kids?" sings Elmo
Just who IS buying all this Tickle-Me crap?? All Elmo wants is your childs' hands all over his furry red, blood soaked body as he satisfies his deprived needs. In your case, it could be your younger brother or sister. Bless their souls!
If you listen carefully to Elmo laughing, you can actually sense the palpable evil tone in it. Elmo is as unforgiving as ice-crusted ladder rungs.
Here's Elmo for you: Hahahaha Hehehehehe Hoahahahahehehehe DO IT AGAIN! Ahahahah HEhehehehehe DO IT AGAIN or else...! ahahahaha hehehehehehe hihihihihi KILL YOUR DOG ahahahahah hohohohohoho VIOLENCE IS GOOD hahahaha heheheheheh KILL, KILL, KILL hahahah heheeheheh CENTIPEDES ARE HEAVENLY CREATURES....
Here's a sweet song dedicated to Elmo:
Well you think you hate Elmo's World
It must be crazy
Can't stand a tickle me Elmo
I'm not so lazy
Oh and if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know
Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
Tell me who can you hit with your elbows
Get rid of Elmo
You know that it's just a muppet
That's really stupid
You think that Elmo's really plain suck
He wasn't wicked
So if you really hate Elmo
I just wanna let you know
Get rid of Elmo
And don't act funny
Get rid of Ernie
While using your knees
Get rid of Big Bird
You got your worst look
So keep on hitting him with your Elbows
Get rid of Elmo
Yeah
Get rid of Elmo
Get rid
Yeah
Oh
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid
Get rid of Elmo
Yep, Elmo deserves to be decapitated, burnt, have his fur plucked out, dipped in acid, then hung on a tree, stretched till his joints come loose, then as he's screaming, take a blunt object and repeatedly hit his sorry excuse for a head. Bitchen!
Amresh to Elmo "I keel joo!"
Question: How can YOU make a difference and reduce the Elmo population?
Answer: The next time you visit Toys "R" Us, and you see the red head, take him to a corner and rip him into pieces. Then blame it on the doll's poor quality and suggest that the product shouldn't be distributed anymore.
This is the truth
La la la la
Elmo sucks
La la la la La la la la
Elmo sucks
He's over-marketed
And boring too--
Yes, Elmo sucks!
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Many things on God's Green Earth, even words can't describe. Food, for instance! Hmm, naw come to think of it, you actually can describe food.... shucks. I just wanted to sound smart..
Where was I? Ah yes, food. I'm a fooda-holic. I eat, and eat, and eat.... and eat more. One of my fav victims of my hunger is none other than Pizza! Be it Dominoes, Pizza Hutt or Canadian Pizza (didn't mention other branches for obvious reasons), Pizza is plain yummeh!That topping, with chunks of chicken, green pepper, onions... tomato paste.. okay, brb, imma grab smth to eat.
* back *
Ah yeah, so imagine biting into that slice of pizza. Sinking your teeth into it... enjoying the fusion of tastes that explode in your mouth... UNTIL A STUPID UNINVITED YELLOW SQUISHY THINGY jumps in too!
Yesh, this forsaken yellow fruit is none other than a stinkin pineapple!
You see, the pizza was fine without 'em. But some wise ass had to come up with what they call the "Aloha" Pizza... which simply refers to a pizza which is filled with nothing but pineapple. Boiled, squishy, sweet, sickly yellow pineapple... Let's be rational... why add pineapples? Pizza is fine without fruits making an appearance on top of it. What next? Peas on pizzas? Raisins? Eeew, omg the very thought of it.
Even Arnold agrees with me on this one. Arnold on pizza: "If you want something krazy like pineapple, I KILL YOU!"
So, the next time you're ordering pizza, tell the school-drop out dude on the line: "No pineapples please! Tak mau nanas!No pls!" And if he comes with a pizza with an EXTRA topping of pineapples, just throw it in his face.
Aloha Pizzas are not even really pizzas anyway. Pizzas are not made to have fruits laid on them!!!
Other valid reasons to despise pineapples:
1.) They are often used as capital punishment instruments. The guy sentenced on deathrow will be blindfolded, then left standing naked tied to a pole. The janitors will then all have 5 shots each at him using pineapples... Ouch.
2.) You wouldn't wanna eat Spongebob's house now, would you? WOULD YOU!?
3.) Pineapples are made up of Pine Trees and Apples... Save the trees! Don't eat pineapples.
4.) Do you find pineapple flavoured Shisha? No, you don't. Shuddup
5.) It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Pineapple.
Amresh to Pineapple: "I keel joo!"
I'm positive that with all the facts provided above, you will make the right choice and join the "Punch Pineapples Please Posse" or widely known as the 4P.
Call 1-800-Pineapples?-Phooey! or visit your nearest pizza outlet and empty the tray containing pineapples. (Instant membership for these people)
May the hatred for pineapples be with you.
The only thing that pineapples look good on
Where was I? Ah yes, food. I'm a fooda-holic. I eat, and eat, and eat.... and eat more. One of my fav victims of my hunger is none other than Pizza! Be it Dominoes, Pizza Hutt or Canadian Pizza (didn't mention other branches for obvious reasons), Pizza is plain yummeh!That topping, with chunks of chicken, green pepper, onions... tomato paste.. okay, brb, imma grab smth to eat.
* back *
Ah yeah, so imagine biting into that slice of pizza. Sinking your teeth into it... enjoying the fusion of tastes that explode in your mouth... UNTIL A STUPID UNINVITED YELLOW SQUISHY THINGY jumps in too!
Yesh, this forsaken yellow fruit is none other than a stinkin pineapple!
You see, the pizza was fine without 'em. But some wise ass had to come up with what they call the "Aloha" Pizza... which simply refers to a pizza which is filled with nothing but pineapple. Boiled, squishy, sweet, sickly yellow pineapple... Let's be rational... why add pineapples? Pizza is fine without fruits making an appearance on top of it. What next? Peas on pizzas? Raisins? Eeew, omg the very thought of it.
Even Arnold agrees with me on this one. Arnold on pizza: "If you want something krazy like pineapple, I KILL YOU!"
So, the next time you're ordering pizza, tell the school-drop out dude on the line: "No pineapples please! Tak mau nanas!No pls!" And if he comes with a pizza with an EXTRA topping of pineapples, just throw it in his face.
Aloha Pizzas are not even really pizzas anyway. Pizzas are not made to have fruits laid on them!!!
Other valid reasons to despise pineapples:
1.) They are often used as capital punishment instruments. The guy sentenced on deathrow will be blindfolded, then left standing naked tied to a pole. The janitors will then all have 5 shots each at him using pineapples... Ouch.
2.) You wouldn't wanna eat Spongebob's house now, would you? WOULD YOU!?
3.) Pineapples are made up of Pine Trees and Apples... Save the trees! Don't eat pineapples.
4.) Do you find pineapple flavoured Shisha? No, you don't. Shuddup
5.) It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Pineapple.
Amresh to Pineapple: "I keel joo!"
I'm positive that with all the facts provided above, you will make the right choice and join the "Punch Pineapples Please Posse" or widely known as the 4P.
Call 1-800-Pineapples?-Phooey! or visit your nearest pizza outlet and empty the tray containing pineapples. (Instant membership for these people)
May the hatred for pineapples be with you.
The only thing that pineapples look good on
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