Gross Rider

well, can't say i'm surprised. I expected it to be lame, and lame it was. Maybe lame is too much of a compliment for this movie.
Ooooh, ghost rider! Nicholas Cage! Eva Mendes! Cool Bike! Marvel! bleh... all that hype for nothing.
Nicholas Cage sold his soul to this dude called Metamorphosizzle or smth and in return his dad got to live for one extra day. Aww.. Then Johnny Blaze (nicholas cage) had to be Metamorphosizzle's bitch for eternity. Anytime Mr M (his name is too long to keep being mentioned) felt threatened, he would call upon Gross Rider to help him.
There were 4 villains who i think even a drunk midget could've pawned. One was Mr. M's son, and the rest were dudes who were based on the elements. Air, Earth and Wind. Let's put it this way, they all died of boredom cause of Johnny Blaze a.k.a Gross Rider. He would walk towards them... point his skinny finger at 'em and say... "You! Got Milk?"
and they would all just perish.
No, but honestly, the lines were freaking tacky. "Look into my eyes... blah blah blah" And when Mr. M's son finally got the contract of souls thingy, he said "I am Legion! For i am many..." .... what...? Duhhhh....
The only highlight(s) of the movie was Eva Mendes...'s twins. Not her, she has that distracting mole. And ahh fine.. the graphics were good too. But with such lame lines, it screwed up the whole movie.
For those of you who haven't watched Gross Rider, don't bother. Save your money and watch Epic Movie instead which i heard was awesome. Seen it anyone?

I know where you crawled last summer...

Ever wondered what evil lay hidden beneath that rock in your garden...? Or what might just pop up through that drainage hole thingy in your toilet? Why not check what's under your bed too!? Or in your closet!? Scared aren't ya?! Huh!? Huh????

you know why!? Cause there just might be a frigging....
CENTIPEDE there!!!

Yes, these creatures with no purpose on Earth except to torment poor, innocent people like me, deserve to die!!! All of 'em.
They grow up to nearly 8 inches! And these creatures come in a variety of colours too.



Here we have the blue centipede




And here we have the red one










Centipedes have 'red heads' too

If some of you are going "Awww, look at the perteh colours..." Wait till you get a taste of its venomous bite.

I had the "pleasure" of getting bitten three times. Each in different spots.

1st "encounter" of the centipede kind - I was sleeping innocently in my new room in Seychelles... Not knowing what evil was awaiting me once i was on my way to the land of snickers and cameron diaz. I felt a sharp sting by the side of my head, i thought i had hit the side of the bed or somethin'... that is until i felt something slither pass my neck!

Startled, i jumped (in a macho way) outta bed, peered under the pillow and there it was... a big 6 1/2 inch centipede staring back at me triumphantly... I ran to the toolbox, took a hammer and smashed the living hell out of it. That marked the beginning of what would be an ever lasting war between me and centipedes... * dramatic music comes on *

Damage: Red eye (the venom travelled to my eye)

2nd encounter - I felt that i had shown the centipedes who's boss so i was brave enough to sleep again in my room. Nothing happened for a few weeks, but on one night... i got bitten again. This time on my hand. Grabbed my dad's shoe and whacked it to pulp.

Damage: Swollen hand

3rd encounter - I decided my room was no longer my sanctuary and instead it was a centipede breeding ground. Or a training field, where they tested their venom on me.. Either way, i migrated out of my room to the hall. Hah! I knew i'd be safe here...

That was a stupid thing to do. Despite pouring sulphur all around, my good ol' centipede buddy visited me again. I got bitten on my leg, causing me to walk with much difficulty. This one escaped...

WAR!!! Since then, there's been no rest for me. I have come up with several methods of making centipedes suffer in agony and slowly but painfully... die! Muahahaa!

How to kill...

There's the 'waxing' method, where i hit the centipede in the middle, making it unable to move. After that, i grab a candle, light it, and start pouring hot wax on it. Watch it squirm and slowly die...

Next is the acupuncture method. Get a few needles, and slowly jab it in the centipedes body. Watch it wiggle in pain. When satisfied, take a hammer and smash its head!

Inferno. Smash a centipede causing it to be immobilized, then chuck it in a tissue soaked in kerosene. Light it up and watch in delight as it slowly burns to crisp.

Prevention Method

Kill 'em while they're young!

If you see their eggs, smash it! But be careful as mama centipedes are very... VERY... VERY protective! And they can 'jump' too. They coil themselves into a "S" shape, then launch themselves at you. Be warned! (pregnant centipedes only)

A mama centipede being over protective of her eggs. Aww...

* SMASH *




Here's a clip of a centipede eating a mouse!


And there you have it. Reasons and proof why centipedes deserve to die! They're evil! As evil as animated cartoons, raisins, pineapples, green peas and black pepper.
YOU can make a difference! Call 1600 - i - hate - centipedes today and join our "Centipede Cruelty Club" today! Call now and you stand a chance to win a brand new... medieval mace to help make your centipede squashing a whole lot easier, and painful!


Your free gift awaits you!


Here's a song specially dedicated to centipedes all over the world.

I hate centipedes

Kill them when I please

Their sight is sickening to me

I hate centipedes

I loathe centipedes

Feel them in my sleep

Their legs ocillate when they're squeezed

Let's nuke the breed

If I were pope, I'd ask God

To please evict the arthropods

They're so freakin' odd to me

Please smash centipedes

Got nothin' 'gainst the silverfish

With roach's legs, I make a wish

But they don't nauseate my eyes

Quite like centipedes

Spiders earn my respect

'Coz they leave such glittery webs

But even spiders can't outscare

The centipede

In Ha Wa Yee they're quite immense

Those 10 inch 'pedes don't pay no rent

There's no permanent defense

'Gainst centipedes

In the Phillipines

They're quite lean and mean

I heard one killed a girl that screamed,

"Get offa me!"

Right in Pakistan

They're trained to bite on command

It's an insect taliban

Of terrorpedes

That's why

I hate centipedes

Would rather have a swarm of bees

Come pollinate my teeth

F --- all centipedes

Yeah!!!

Stinking of Japan

Oh yay. Got 4 free movie passes to watch the Sinking of Japan at CineLeisure.
For starters, it was a Japanese movie. So, reading the subtitles was a must. Fortunately I watch anime quite often, so Japanese didn't sound that weird.
It was a pretty... dead movie. Yeh, there were loads of dead bodies and all.. but I mean it was booring! And this movie probably gets the Grammy for ugliest cast ever. I think they specifically had an audition only for the fugly ones. Well, the lead actress was pretty aight.
In this "thriller", there just had to be a love story somewhere in between. Tucked in between all the fat and piles of dead bodies, two Japs fall in love. But mind you, the girl first told him she would never fall in love, because "i don't want to be sad again"... That's what she said. Talk about tacky lines... Anyway all her emo talk was pure bullshit, cause just as soon as the (fugly) dude grabs her and lays a wet smooch on her poor lips, she falls in love with him. Oh yeah, that's another thing, the Jap dude has such lame pick up lines omfg.. E.g: "You're cooler than a man"
Hey you readers might want to write this down. (IF there are gawd damn readers anyway) Awesome lines. And he expresses his "love", by constantly grabbing her, and always getting closer to knocking her over.
Sooo anyway, back to the movie. It's all about natural disasters happening in Japan, like the infamous Tsunami, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes... the usual stuff conjured up by good ol' Mother Nature. And the Prime Minister, Toko Yamishada (I just made that name up, i cant remember a single name from the movie... Convincing name though, huh?) says Japan has 330+ days before it sinks. Then while in his private jet, on his way to buy sushi, a volcanoe goes Kaboom and the poor sushi craving chap dies. (Again, i made the sushi part up) So, some other dude takes over, and lies to the Japs saying the sinking will only take place in 5 years. Or something like that...
But all lies come undone, and Japan continues to suffer. Some people get evacuated to US and China (HAHAHA! China!? Yep, Japs and Chinks were always the bestest of friends weren't they?)
People die, bla bla bla. I know what question is on your mind. Where da heck is Ultraman when you need him!?
Now the part of the movie that ticks me off the most is when they show Colonel Sanders... lying on the ground. Dead! Noooooo!!! Why Sanders!? Why not Ronald McDonald!? I'll tell you why... you guys never believed me... Ronald is the devil himself! Russel and I kept on telling you people, but noooo....
Okay as Japs are freakishly famous for porn, when the two love birds were together in a tent, we expected a lil some some. You know, getting jiggy with it. Bonking? Ah, you get the picture. ANYWAY, they stared at each other for eternity, and after the long wait, he says... "I can't do it" and she says "But.. why not!?"... and the audience goes "Why the hell not!?"
He says cause he ate too much Sushi so he has E.D and after seeing poor old Sanders, he just lost the urge to deflower a pretty young Jap like her. (I should direct movies)
Yeah, so some scientist dude who has a wife who's a fossil, but acts like a yound diva, saves the day. He puts some thingamajig into this other thingamajig which was under the sea, and half of Japan went kabooom, and so Japan is now half its size. (Yep, many things in Japan comes in small sizes) And everyone is happy and then its the credits.

That's Sinking of Japan for you.
Rating: Zzzz

Animated animals are Evil

Say NO! to talking animals!
I find these non-stop releases of new animated movies of animals, very annoying.
It's like the have covered nearly every possible animal out there! Isn't that enough!?
Talking cows, dogs, ants, chickens, racoons, zebras, lions, tigers, bla bla bla!
Think of something new! Ok fine, Robots or whatever was ACCEPTABLE.
At first it was OK, but then now... it's getting outta hand! These movies come out so frequently! It's even faster then bunnies making little bunnies! (make an animation of that!)
I heard from other people, (cause I'd rather not waste my money watching these talking animals) that some of the jokes are good and so on. I give them credit for that, but WHY, oh WHYYYY animals?
Talking pencils, cups, wires, bricks, mothballs, poo, curtain sheds... anything BUT animals.
If they come up with talking centipedes... i swear...

Lame attempts at being cool

Lolz, Haihz, Hahahz, Lolx... Ok you get my point! (if you dont, you're just plain dumb)
Why... do some people add these annoying letters behind those acronyms or wateva and think it's cool?
No! Adding irrelevant shit like that does not make you suddenly the envy of all people. Jeez!
LoL = Laugh out Loud (D'uhh!)
but when you add the "Z"... What does it make it? Laugh out Loud Zebra? Zit?
For some very odd reason, people seem to think that the letters "Z" and "X" makes one sound soooo cool!

E.g = xX Loco Dude Xx or X-tazy

Sigh... you know what? Just go on doing what you're doing. You "cool dudeZ" are a very good source of entertainment for us.